Thursday, March 17, 2016

Silence is Golden

I am failing at my goal to blog twice a week. I'm struggling to blog twice a month. But given how many words are spilled onto the web every day, it's hard to imagine that my failure to contribute to the noise could posibly be missed. In fact--it might be appreciated. Yes, "Silence is golden, golden." It's a commodity that seems to have lost its value in our world. If I had any brains, I'd end this post right there.

Yeah, we all knew that wasn't going to happen!

I feel  the need to verbalize what I am learning about shutting up.

In the course of one day, I managed to rudely correct the same person twice. Both times the correction was not over something important or even relevant. The errors were teeny tiny. They were not critical to the information being shared. They need not have had any attention at all directed at them. They should have been overlooked. I should have shut my trap. Silence, while actively listening to the real heart of the speaker, would have been the most loving response.

Me? I interrupted with corrections. I stopped the flow a perfectly engaging story to quibble over non-essentials. Non-essentials that I didn't even really care about. Why? Why did I open my mouth?

I spoke before I thought. I blurted out something without even considering how my interjection would not only be rude, but might also have belittled the speaker. I did it without even recognizing what I had done.

And then I went running.

And while I was running, the two scenes (which happened within a 12 hour span) were replayed in my mind back to back. I saw myself as an outsider looking in--I saw petty, shrill, superior me. Yuck. Sin doesn't look so bad from the inside looking out. But when I see it from the outside looking in, it's repulsive. My heart sank. For the rest of my run, I let myself feel the sadness of God over how I had treated one of His own.

While I quickly repented of my bad behavior, and while I have had the opportunity to ask for forgiveness both from God and from the beautiful young woman I interrupted, I realize that the sin God has revealed to me goes deeper than I'd like to think. This isn't an isolated incident, it's a nasty habit.  A habit from which I want to be healed. In fact, I shudder to think how many of you are nodding your heads as you read, thinking, "Yeah, Jenn, that's been an issue for a while! Are you just now figuring it out?" Yeah. I'm suppose I'm a slow learner.

So once again, for yet another reason, I'm learning to hold my tongue. To ask, "Is it necessary?" before I speak. To consider if my words will build up or tear down before I hammer them out of my mouth. To see the beauty of silence. Yes, much love can be spoken in silence.

1 comment:

  1. I think we all struggle, with zipping our lips and just being silent when others are speaking. Our minds tend to be going 110 miles an hour, because we want to interject and be a part of their stories. This is a good lesson for all of us, whether it being quiet when others are talking or being still when God is talking. It's not in my nature to be silent either, however focusing on what really is important will be something I will be working on as well. Thank you for always sharing your stories with us. Heather