Blogging about Blogging

There was a time when I would blog three to four times a week. Blogging is like breathing for me--it is that place where I process and wrestle with deep thoughts, where I confess and expose my struggles with life and faith, where I laugh at myself and marvel at God and muse at the intermingling of the two. Honestly, friends, I don't do it for you. I do it for me. I have never thought of my blog as a ministry to others. I've always seen it as therapy for myself. I count it as a luxury of sorts--a hobby. Something I GET to do, not something I HAVE to do.

So when I started Seminary over a year a ago and suddenly found myself with (GASP) assigned reading and writing, the blog got put on the on back burner. After all, no one grades my blog and it certainly isn't earning me any scholarships, salary, or fame. I've gotten to the point where instead of blogging three to four times a week, I'm blogging three to four times a month. And  I guess I thought it didn't matter, because, you know, I do it for myself. Only a few weeks ago I realized something. Blogging is like breathing for me--and I'm suffocating.

Still, I continued to ignore it. Where was the time? Everything else took priority. I knew I needed to write because the knots in my head and my heart were getting bigger and tighter, and writing is my only means of unraveling them. But the pressures of daily living are unrelenting, and my plate is as full of most of yours will be today as you feast on turkey and dressing. The ministries on my plate are appealing and delightful and I want to have them all. But it turns out that eating--no matter how delicious the food--is not all that satisfying when one can't breathe.

All of the ministries that I love are starting to lose their flavor because I am not breathing between bites. Blogging is like breathing for me. Why would I ignore breathing? Because I had fully convinced myself that blogging--like breathing--is entirely self-serving. And I translated that to mean selfish, expendable, or superfluous. But I don't think of breathing like that. Somehow, breathing (though self-serving) is worthy of my time. In fact, I can't not do it.

And so it seems that the only healthy thing to do is to blog more regularly. To breathe. Which I intend to do.

But if I'm being totally honest (which, you know, I usually am) I'd have to admit that it was a note from a stranger that woke me up and reminded me to breathe. A young woman sent me a message through Facebook that I almost didn't see because she wasn't my friend, and messages from strangers on Facebook don't go into one's regular inbox. Having done a "marathon read" of my blog, she shared with me how my writing had ministered to her. And it was as if God wanted to remind me that even though I write for me (and that's okay! He wants me to breathe)--He can use it (wants to use it?) to speak to others as well.

Before I started blogging, I journaled. Fact: if the writing were really meant just for me, then journaling would be the right medium. Yet, somehow I sense that my words are meant to be shared. I like sharing them. I need to share them. I can't not do it.

So for the past year this poor little blog has been on life-support, limping along, winded and weak. But today there is a fresh wind blowing.

Yes, I'm breathing again. And I like it. 

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Back-burner

Well, friends, it seems most of my writing energy is going into my course work! The sad thing is, I really have a lot I want to share with you, but I am simply not finding enough hours in the day. This has been a bit of a busier week for a couple of reasons. One, my main squeeze in the States, which means it's all up to me to keep the home fires burning. Chan is pitching in where he can, but he is swamped himself! Second, I've been teaching hermeneutics every morning this week to a group of budding French preachers, which leaves only the afternoons to get everything else done. Third, I'm trying to get a bit ahead in my studies so that I can steal away to Paris for the weekend. My sister is going to be there for just a couple of days, and I want to get to see her!

All of that to say, blogging is on the back-burner this week!

Oh, but if I had time to blog I'd wax poetically about one of the apostles' prayers in the book of Acts, I whine about a certain ecclesiology textbook (it's not that I can't understand it, it's that I can't understand why the author says things in such complicated ways!), I'd share some photos from David and Graham's trip to Montana, or I'd tell you about some of the things that are getting discussed in my classes.

Alas, I've got to get back to my reading Not that reading is a chore! Oh no. I'm loving every minute of it.

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A Word About Mothers

I'm sick of it.

Sick. Of. It.

I'm sick of the perversion and glorification of motherhood that I see continually spread across the cyber-world. The video that pushed me over the edge is a video that depicts job-applicants being interviewed for a "job" that requires 24-hour duty, often standing up, with no breaks and no sleep, and by the way, it doesn't pay anything either. Of course, all of the applicants are appalled and cry "No one would do such a job!" To which the interviewer replies, "Yes, in fact many people do. It's the job of being a mom." And then all of the applicants get all mushy and nostalgic, pouring out gratitude to their mothers.

Such appeals are perhaps understandable apart from Christ. I get how the world could arrive at these conclusions. But as a believer, they make my stomach churn. 

First, motherhood is NOT A JOB! It is a calling and a privilege. It is an honor. It is a sacred role, but it is NOT a super-human endeavor. In fact, it is the very most basic human endeavor possible. God created women to be mothers and men to be fathers, and it was his joy to share creation with us through the act of procreation. The slight insinuation that there could (or should) be any sort of compensation put on such a sacred role is on the same level as suggesting that men pay their wives for sex. Do you see how it cheapens the very thing that flows out of love? Yuck! Just, yuck!

Secondly, this idea that motherhood is  "so hard" reveals how selfish we have become in our thinking. Because I struggled with infertility and faced the possibility that I might never have children, I am left with only one feeling for every hard day I've ever had as a mom: gratitude! I promise you that no matter how difficult you think it is to be a mother, there are thousands of women who, having never had that joy, would trade their best day for your hardest day in a heartbeat. If you are a mother you have been given a gift! Stop whining about it. 

Thirdly, why this need for applause? If motherhood is truly its own reward (which I believe it is) why are we begging for adulation in the public arena? Why do we need validation from outsiders or recognition for our role? It is not enough that we have been entrusted with the rearing of another human life? Is it not enough that we have the opportunity to love and shape a real person? Can't we just delight in the sheer pleasure of mothering without needing a pat on the back? Are we missing the blessing because we are too worried about the reward? God does not give us children to make us feel important. Our value should be firmly rooted in our identity as children of God, not mothers of children. What have we become?

Fourthly, this idea of mother as "victim" or "employee" is pathetic! While I am certain that I am a competent, fully-engaged mother, I have never thought of my self as "never getting a break," or "not able to eat until after my children had finished eating," or even felt that I was at the mercy of my boys. Hello, I AM the parent. I CAN set boundaries. Children can be taught (at quite a young age, I might add) to be patient, considerate, and even to entertain themselves. While we carefully meet all of their needs, David and I have never seen our kids as the "bosses." In fact, in order for them to understand and appreciate God's authority it was important for our boys to realize that they were NOT in charge right from the very beginning. 

And finally, I hate the message that such a video sends to my kids. It makes them out to be demanding and burdensome, when in reality they are the best gifts I've ever received. 

Children are a blessing. They are not our employers. They are not a job. They are not trophies. They are not the source of our identity. They are not the reason for our existence. When did we lose our way?

Mothers, please stop seeking approval from the world. Just love and serve your family as God leads you. He's the boss.

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The Tip of the Shoelace

Tomorrow I embark on an adventure.

I am going away. I am going alone. I am going to write a book.

I don't even know where to begin. I've tried to begin; I've written an outline and chapter descriptions. I've made a plan and a proposal. I've painted all of the broad strokes and tried to move into the details. I've done everything that the "How To Write a Book" books tell me to do. But the writing ends up empty and lifeless.

I don't know how to write from outlines or plans. I should. But I don't.

Actually, if you want to know the truth, I usually don't know where I'm going when I start to write. I discover my destination through the writing process. I know that I am supposed to start with the end in mind, but I can't do that. Because I don't know the end until after I have started to write.

I was sharing this dilemma with a close friend and she said, "Have I ever told you about how my son draws?"

She has a son who is a gifted artist, but his approach to his work is completely unconventional. Most "How to Draw" books teach artists to start with the broad strokes--the big pieces, the main subject, and to sketch in the details in the end. But my friend told me that her son does just the opposite. If, for example, he wants to draw a skateboarder, he will typically begin with the tip of a shoelace.

I pondered this story for a few days. Then, while running with a friend, I began to explain my writing woes. I was feeling overwhelmed by the task of writing a whole book, especially because I felt that all of my outlines and plans had fallen flat. As I tried to describe my unusual approach to writing I shared the story about this artist's approach to drawing.

And then my friend said nine words that gave me reason to hope: "You just need to find the tip of the shoelace."

She's right. I think that if I try to outline the entire book, the picture will never be clear. But if God will just show me the tip of the shoelace, the picture will probably emerge through the writing process. It's scary to scrap the outline, but I think it's holding me back.

So this is my prayer; my highest hope; my deepest desire. That I would discover the tip of the shoelace, and move boldly and gracefully into my story from there.

Your prayers would be greatly appreciated.

I have written a few blog posts that are scheduled to be published whilst I am away, so Four for France will not be lifeless over the next 9 days. I do not plan to post from England. This will enable me to stay focused on the book project. 

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Calling All Men

Does this blog make me look fat?

I'm just kidding. You don't have to answer that question. But I would appreciate some sincere input from you men who faithfully read my blog. Thanks, by the way, for being a part of my journey. 

Here's the dealio. I'm trying to write a book that is based on my blog. In preparing a book proposal, I have to identify a potential audience for said book. Most Christian women authors write women's books; however, I believe that my book (like my blog) will appeal to both male and female readers. But I need to convince a publisher of that idea.

To that end, your responses to any (or all!) of the following questions would be most helpful. You may respond by email (fourforfrance@gmail.com) or in the comment section.

• What appeals to you about the Four For France blog? (content, writing style, length of posts, etc.)
• What other blogs to you read on a regular basis?
• How is Four For France unique?
• What would make Four For France better? 
• Is there a specific blog post that particularly spoke to you?
• How would you describe Four For France to someone who's never read it?

Guys, I promise that I am not fishing for compliments, I really do need your input. Please, please, please take a minute to respond. You don't even have to write full sentences--just a couple of comprehensible phrases will suffice. Bottom line it for me.

And in case I forget to tell you later--thanks!

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Why I Write

Seven Steps...Five Ways...Ten Types...So many bloggers out there offer solutions to your problems, answers to your questions, pathways to success. Sorry, friends, no such revelations here. I don't give advice, I'm just here to share my journey, hoping to make a few friends on the way.

But as I move toward the possibility of writing a book, my approach has fatal flaws. Publishers look for something called "platform." In order to build platform, I have to garner a massive audience, and according to those in the industry, the best way to do that would be to establish myself as an "expert" in a certain field.

But I'm no expert. 

I'm a stumbling sojourner, making my way towards Jesus one flawed step at a time. I don't have an area of specialized experience, a unique strength, or a single subject matter about which I blog. And I don't think I ever will. 

What's a blogger-wanna-be-book author to do? I just don't see myself as the kind of person who writes from a place of expertise. I don't set myself up as a person who gives answers, I prefer to ask questions, engage in dialogue, and share musings. My voice does not say, "Here's what you need to do." My voice says, "Let's look for Jesus together." But apparently publishers like authors with answers.

So I've been wrestling with God, wondering if maybe I'm not meant to write a book after all. God's not letting me off the hook. Just when I thought that I'd convinced him that I don't have a book in me, he spoke loud and clear.

I was at church, trying to explain once again that I was not qualified to write a book, when we began singing a French worship song. In the midst of the chorus, I began to weep. The words that I sang with my mouth, the Lord spoke directly to my heart:

"Peuple de Dieu ouvre ta bouche, Dieu veut parler"

People of God, open your mouth, God wants to speak!

The book is not meant to come out of me, but through me. I am the vessel, the envelope, the messenger. He is the message.

So I'll write the book. Even though I don't have platform. Even though it may never get published. Even though I may be the only person who reads it.  Yes, I am compelled to write it so that I might know Jesus better.

In the next few weeks I am going to do something I have never done before. I am going to go away by myself for ten days to write. And to tell you truth, it scares me a bit. I'm scared I'll write my words instead of his. Fleshy words. Worthless words.

But I'm going to write it anyway. Because maybe...just maybe if I open my mouth, God will speak.

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Wordless

I've spent the day translating French documents for a grant and now, with time to blog, I find myself at a loss for words.

If I weren't out of words I might tell you why I failed at doing Pilates this morning.

Or maybe I'd share my new Beef with Broccoli recipe.

Perhaps you'd read about the latest developments in our flooded house saga.

If I had any words left in my brain, I might possibly spend them whining about the weather or telling you about the book that I can hardly put down or sharing my thoughts on Nehemiah.

But you see, I've got no words to spare. My verbal bank account is officially overdrawn.

And now I just want chocolate.

Maybe I'll find some words tomorrow.

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A Leader Speaks with Care

Oh, the power of words!

God spoke the universe into existence and Jesus is called the Word. The Lord has infused human communication with supernatural power--the power to bless or to curse! Yet, how often am I careless with my words? More times than I care to count. A leader who cannot manage his/her tongue--a part of his/her own body--has no business trying to manage others.

We live in a world that is overly-verbal. We don't just speak and write letters anymore, we Tweet, we post status updates on Facebook, we send mass e-mails. With blogging, everyone has a platform for their words--for better or for worse. I know people who practically narrate their entire day through various on-line media. We're using words en masse these days--often thoughtlessly. Sometimes carelessly. Other times harmfully. We have an abundance of words, but have we lost respect for their power?

Once, when wanting to teach our children to be more careful with their words, we gave them each a small tube of toothpaste and a plate and told them so squeeze all of the toothpaste out of the tube. They happily complied. Then we gave them a wide assortment of utensils and told that they needed to put all the toothpaste back into the tube. We let them struggle with it for a while, and when they finally admitted that the task was impossible we told them that words are like toothpaste. They come out easy, but once spoken, we can't put them back.

I don't know where I first heard this acronym, but it helps me to THINK before I speak. Before I say something (or post something on Facebook!) I ask myself:

Is it T RUE?

Is is H ELPFUL?

Is it I MPORTANT?

Is it N ECESSARY?

Is it K IND?

TRUE--Leaders speak the truth! We don't tell little white lies to protect people--not even our children. We don't ask others to lie for us. We don't stretch the truth, or bend it, or distort it. If the words I am about to speak are not true, I'm better off not speaking them. Sometimes I'm tempted to fudge a response when the truth is, "I don't know the answer to that question." Sometimes I'm tempted to say, "I was too busy to get it done" when the truth is, "I didn't get it done because I chose to focus on other projects." Sometimes I'm tempted to say, "Sorry, I forgot!" when the truth is, I had no intention of doing it and I didn't want to deal with the other person's disappointment.  A leader's integrity is revealed through his/her commitment to speak the truth.

HELPFUL-- Everything that is true is not necessarily helpful. It may be true that a co-worker is having a bad hair day, but it is not really helpful for me to draw attention to that fact. Often those who feel strongly about being honest fail to realize that not every truth needs to be spoken. Stating the obvious to shame another person is not helpful. Being brutally honest about something that is irrelevant or irrevocable is not helpful. Speaking your mind when your opinion cannot positively influence the outcome is not helpful. But honest, helpful words are a blessing. Things like, "Excuse me, but I noticed your rear tail light was out." or "I just saw your child put something dangerous in his mouth!" or  "I noticed a mistake in your presentation, can I send you the correct information?" A leader's intentions are revealed through his/her commitment to say things that are helpful.

IMPORTANT--What do you care about? Sometimes I spend so many words on unimportant topics, that when something I really care about comes up, I've already spent all my verbal collateral. People have listened to me wax poetic about trivial things, and then when my passion flares for some critical issue, they have no way of knowing that THESE words are the ones I really want them to hear. Having to learn a second language has helped me so much in this area. It takes enough effort to speak that I will just keep my mouth shut until I feel really strongly about something, and then I will take the pain to open my mouth. Here's hoping I can transfer this skill back to my mother tongue. A leader's values are revealed by what he/she deems important. 

NECESSARY--Oh the senseless babbling we do! I often catch myself whipping off a frustrated reply to an email, only to pause and ask myself, "Is this really necessary?" Most of the time the answer is, "No!" A ministry partner misunderstands me on a minor point--do I have to correct her? A friend misspeaks, but I know what she meant. Can I let it slide? A family member overlooks a daily chore that he normally does without fail. Must I bring it up, or can I simply do it myself?  Should everyone on Facebook know that my dog has fleas? That my son got straight As? That I burned my dinner? A leader's priorities are revealed by what he/she deems necessary.

KIND--Kindness matters. I'm not talking about sugar-coating, I'm talking about genuinely caring. If my heart is not tender towards someone, then God will most likely NOT call me to speak a hard truth to that person. If I desire to shame someone, even the most helpful words will not provide assistance. Even when someone is clearly in the wrong, kindness is key, for kindness leads us to repentance. Sometimes I am shocked at the hateful words that Christians will post on Twitter or Facebook--in the name of God! Political statements, name-calling, gross over-generalizations that are simply unkind. If the words coming off your keyboard or out of your mouth are not kind, they should not be said. Period. A leader's heart is revealed by his/her commitment to kindness.

For thought and discussion: Which of the five--TRUE, HELPFUL, IMPORTANT, NECESSARY, KIND--do you struggle with the most in communication? 

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For the Love of "Likes"

It is not good to eat too much honey,
nor is it honorable for people to seek their own glory.

Proverbs 25:27

I love honey, so it's hard for me to know when I've had too much. Unfortunately, the same is true of glory.

I read that verse this morning in my devotions--just AFTER checking for "Likes" on Facebook and "Comments" on an article that I wrote for an on-line magazine. It's almost like God caught me red-handed! Yes, indeed, I was seeking glory for myself. 

I like to be "Liked!" I love to be "Favorited!" and I almost go gaga over "Comments." There is something seriously wrong with that. 

I could honestly say that my heart's desire is to bring honor and glory to God; yet, there is this remnant of my fallen humanity that still seeks glory for herself. Why? What value is the praise of men when I have the love and acceptance of the Father? It feeds the old ego, that's for sure. 

But really, what's the harm? So I get a kick out of people "liking" my status. Who is it hurting anyway? 

I go back to the verse for my answer. The proverb begins with a comparison. Too much honey.... Honey isn't bad. A bit of honey is downright delicious. In the same way, praise in and of itself is not bad. We are called to encourage one another and to speak well of one another. The problem comes from the seeking of it. From the addiction to it. From the need for it. 

And so I think it is okay to smile when I see that someone has commented on my blog or "liked" my Facebook status. But it is not okay for me to work diligently at writing a blog or crafting a status update for the purpose of soliciting the praise of others. Its not okay for me to find my identity and my worth through those venues. Its not okay to get depressed and eat 5 Magnum Bars when no one "favorites" my tweet. 

So what's a girl to do when her status sits unacknowledged by all her social networks? 

I need to take my eyes off the screen and turn them to the Savior. He does so much more than click "Like" or "Re-tweet!" Jesus "Favorited" me the day he died for me. He "shared" his status with me by making me his joint-heir. He "links" me to his goodness and grace every single day. What more could I possibly need? 

May everything I post and tweet and blog be for HIS glorious praise. He alone is worthy.

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Bienvenue !

Welcome to the newly designed Four for France blog! Didn't Emily from Designer Blogs do a great job? I am so happy with her work!

(If you receive this post by e-mail, be sure to click on over to see our new digs!)

Here is a quick tour of some of the new features:

• First, glance up at the tab on your browser and feast your eyes on the cutest little FAVICON ever! Isn't it adorable? I'm lovin' my fleur de lys!
• Second, take a look at the bottom of this post. Each post will now have a plethora of SHARING options. If you like something that you read here, you can simply click on one of the buttons below and share it with the people in your networks your dearest friends. 
• Third, notice the SOCIAL NETWORKING buttons on the sidebar. Those buttons will take you straight to my other Internet haunts. I'd love to be able to connect with you through those venues, so be sure to link up with me if you're in the neighborhood.
• Finally, feel free to grab my BUTTON for your blog! If you are a fellow blogger who would like to provide a link back to Four for France, the HTML code is yours for the taking right there on the lower part of the sidebar. 

Well, those are the highlights! Let me know what you think! 

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