Monday, August 12, 2013

The First of the Lasts

So this morning I shed some tears. As I savor this summer with my boys, I have a keen awareness that we are living the first of many lasts. For example, we probably just attended the last GEM conference we will attend as a family. Graham will begin his senior year next month, and Chandler will be a junior. They are running hard toward life, and soon (too soon for me) two amazing boys will fly the coop. Let the grieving begin.

As Graham played his guitar this morning, I wept with the realization that the music that constantly fills my home will not always echo in these walls. Oh how I will miss those sounds!

I am a mom who LOVES being a mom. I don't think I'm over-invested, but I have delighted in every moment. And having struggled with a few years of infertility, I do not take the privilege of motherhood for granted.

The tears are not necessarily sad tears, and the grief isn't depressing. I rejoice in who Graham and Chandler are and in who they are becoming. I want them to mature. I want them to follow wherever God leads. I hope their lives are full of adventure. And I will cheer them on!

Still, things must change in the coming years. While I am deeply, deeply grateful for the honor of being their mom, it soon will be time to let go. And let go, I will, weeping all the way. Until then, I am going to appreciate every dinner conversation, each evening when we pray together as a family, games, travels, and even trials. I will linger over laundry, laugh over inside jokes, and marinate in holy moments.

And I'm thinking of secretly recording some of the guitar-playing--just in case I miss him too much. 

1 comment:

  1. I'll tell you how it is to say good-bye to your oldest son. I'm down to days, could actually count the hours if I wanted. I am in complete agreement - I cherish being the mom and also acknowledge that role must release our babes at the right time. Just like the mamma bird, I have to let him leave the nest allow him to flail a bit, then to soar in the end. I'm sad to see him go, but excited because this is what must happen. Enjoy this last year together.