Where Is My Super Suit?

There is a temptation for a missionary to think of herself as a sort of super hero, a savior, a rescuer. We kind of like being needed. And if we think that we have some indispensible wisdom, tool, or key to the Gospel, then we're quite likely to enter our host culture with our hands on our hips, chest puffed out, and a "Aren't you glad that I showed up!?!" attitude.

But then if we aren't needed, why do we go? 

Oh, but I think we are needed. The question is not "Is there a need?" The question is "What is the need?" And maybe even more importantly, we need to ask, "What is my best contribution?" Must the foreign missionary always lead the charge? Or might my best contribution be a listening ear, a helping hand, and a teachable spirit?

The challenge is that most Americans don't know how to show up just to be present and participate. We're typically trained, equipped, and sent as leaders, and by the US understanding of "leader," that means that we're going to have our own plans and vision and goals. We have mission statements! We have resources! We have know-how! We have funding! 

We come to do. We're comforable in capes.

But what if we came like Jesus?

What if we asked more questions? What if we gave away our power? What if we dined with more sinners, washed more feet, and carried more crosses? What if we lived by the upside-down principals of the Kingdom, and really did take the lowest place? Will I enter in humbly, and only move to a place of honor and visibility if invited by my host?

I think there is a fear among us, those who go to foreign places for the sake of the Gospel. The fear is that if we aren't fixing and solving, we're failing. But what if we're called to participate rather than initiate? What if we're meant to be the servant rather than the leader? What if our presence is more valuable than our presentations? Will I enter into the work that robs me of my super hero persona? Can I have goals and ambitions for the Kingdom of God that don't put me on top? Can I write a mission statement that is based on yielding, listening, and joining?

Can we consider the possibility that as strangers, we might be wise to yield to our indigenous brothers and sisters? Or will we assume that God only calls us to lead? 

All the way back in 1907, during the height of the missionary era, V.S. Azariah, the first Bishop in India, said, "No country can be fully evangelized except by its native sons." He went on the speak at the first World Missionary Conference in Edinburgh saying,"Through all the ages to come the Indian church will rise up in gratitude to attest the heroism and self-denying labors of the missionary body. You have given your goods to feed the poor. You have given your bodies to be burned. We ask for love. Give us FRIENDS."

Can I be content to give love? To be a friend to the French Church? Or will I worry that I just won't have enough bullet points in my newsletter if I'm not running the show?

More recently, missiologists such as David Garrison of the International Mission Board have studied church multiplication movements and noted that whenever a movement happens, "local leaders, and not outside ministers or missionaries, give direction to the movement and take responsibility for it."

When French people ask us what we are doing here, we tell them that we are here to support the National Council of French Evangelicals' goal to have one church for every 10,000 people in France. We are here to join their efforts in facilitating a church planting movement. But then we are quick to say that we are not leading the church planting team here in Lyon. We believe that French people will plant the best French churches. We are here to help. To serve. To encourage. To bless. And we are thrilled to be in the helper roles. 

We hope to open a regional training center, to equip and empower French church planters, but even there we will work with and yield to French leadership. 

Does that mean that I no longer consider myself a leader? Of course not. I can't help being a leader. That is who God made me to be. But my understanding of what a leader does and how a leader can lead are definitely changing. I am leaning more and more into flat models of leadership and gaining a deep appreciation for collaborative work. There are venues where I am blazing a trail (I can't help it!) but I'm making sure that I'm building a coalition on the way, inviting other leaders in, and benefiting from mutual submission from the start. 

I am leading differently. I am listening more. And amazingly, I am seeing more fruit. 

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Does my work matter?

So it came about when Moses held his hand up, that Israel prevailed, and when he let his hand down, Amalek prevailed. 

Exodus 17:11

Moses stands on top of a hill, observing the battle. He's not in the battle, so to speak, but watching from a safe distance. Joshua is the one who's in the fray, leading the army in the fight. 

But Moses notices that when he raises his hands (in which he is holding the Staff of God), the Israelites dominate, and when he lowers his hands, the Israelites lose. Suddenly Moses is not just a distant oberver, but one who is affecting the outcome of the battle. 

What is going on here? Does God's power to help the Israelites really depend on Moses' stance? If God is, indeed, the omnipotent God of the universe, why in the world would Moses be required to do these hilltop aerobics? 

I've been thinking a lot about this story, wondering what it teaches about God's work and my work. I'm fairly Reformed in my theology, believing that God in sovereign over all; yet, stories like this tell me that God somehow invites, values, and even depends on human participation. 

It's the phrase "depends on" that makes me cringe--that challenges my theology. If God is truly sovereign, then can He depend on His own creation to enact His own will? Not must He, but can He?

Something in me really prefers to think of God as acting outside of and apart from human participation. Life just feels safer that way. I like the theology that lets me believe that everything depends on God and nothing depends on me. This is the only way that things can turn out right, right?

But Moses had to raise His hands.

And when Moses gets tired, God doesn't say, "No problem, Mo! I gotcha covered. Thanks for doing your little bit, but the hand business was just a gimmick to make you feel needed. Take a break, rest your weary arms, and I'll clean up this mess on my own." Moses is not let off the hook, even when the job exceeds his abilities. This is where Aaron and Hur come in.

But Moses’ hands were heavy. Then they took a stone and put it under him, and he sat on it; and Aaron and Hur supported his hands, one on one side and one on the other. Thus his hands were steady until the sun set.

Exodus 17:12

The task that God gives Moses to do is too hard for Moses to do alone. So he has to get help. And in the end, the Israelites win. 

Why? Because God was with them. And because God worked through them. Time and time, throughout scriptures, we see this same phenomenon: God enacts His will through human participation. He's sovereign, so he doesn't HAVE to do it that way. But He's sovereign, so He CAN do it that way. 

And I think God is still choosing to enact His will through human participation. Which means that the way I spend my life matters. What I do and say matters. The things that seem small and insignificant are impacting lives and winning (or losing) battles. 

God is depending on me.

Dang, that sounds blasphemous for some reason. Why would God depend on creatures that He knows are flawed and broken and weak? Sounds like risky business to me! If I were God...

Yes, if I were God, I would do everything myself. Then I could be sure that things would be done perfectly.

But God, who is perfect, does not seem to need perfection from me. He chooses to depend on my imperfect participation. In fact, messy human participation is an overarching theme in God's great story--from Abraham to Jacob to Moses to Rahab to Ruth to David to Jonah to Peter to Martha to Paul. None of them did God's work perfectly. All of them participated imperfectly. Yet, all of their works have been woven into the story that continues still today.

So as I ponder the story of Moses and the battle of the Amalekites, I'm discovering some things that apply to my life and the way that God is asking me to participate in His work in the world: 

1. The importance of self-awareness: Moses was aware of his stance, and the impact that his stance was having on the situation. Am I aware of my stance in any given situation? Do I pay attention to how that stance is affecting other people or the circumstances in which we find ourselves?
2. The importance of community: Moses was unable to complete his task on his own. It had nothing to do with his willingness or his obedience, he simply did not have the strength he needed. He had to depend on others. When God invites me to participate in His work, do I take a Lone Ranger approach, or do I follow God's lead and choose to depend on others? Do I, like God, eagerly invite the participation of broken people? Will I value participation over perfection?
3. The importance of intercession: Moses held his ground as an intercessor, he didn't run into the battle himself when things looked bleak. I can be tempted to try to get involved in battles that are not mine to fight. Often my role, like Moses', is to watch and pray, not go and fix! This is a place of great faith, believing that God will act in response to my prayer; trusting that holding vigil might be my best contribution to a victory.
4. The importance of praise: At the end of the battle, Moses built an altar, naming it "The Lord is My Banner." Moses did not mistake his own participation for the reason that Israel was victorious. As Moses lifted up God, the Israelites won. The power for victory is only ever present when God is present and lifted up. Can I fully participate in God's work without seeking the glory for the outcome? Do I remember that God is always the perfector? And do I praise Him for every victory?

Moses built an altar and named it TheLord is My Banner. Exodus 17:15

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God is Building His Church in Vieux Lyon

Last Sunday, there were 24 adults and 2.5 children at our worship gathering. This is the church plant in Vieux Lyon...these people ARE the church. We started as a team of 5, and even though we haven't officially launched, people are coming.

Some people find our service time and location on our website and just show up. Some have been invited to come. One of our regular attenders has brought just about everyone she knows, and some of her friends have stuck around. 

We are careful not to invite people from established churches--we do not belive in church planting by division! Most of our current attenders are students and young professionals who have not yet found a "home" church in Lyon. They come from various denominational backgrounds, and most describe themselves as "young" Christians, that is to say, newer to the faith. Some had walked away from the church for a time, but were feeling a need to find their way back to God and His family. Some are seekers. We strive to meet each person where they are, and then invite them to take the next step towards Christ.

God is building His church in Vieux Lyon, and we are privileged to be a part of it.

Next steps? We clearly need a building as we have quickly outgrown the living room in the apartment where we are currently meeting. We have found a location that would meet our needs here in our neighborhood, but there are several hurdles in front of us--one of which in financial. Even just to rent a space in Vieux Lyon, there is a large sum that must be paid upfront. It is an expense that can be recouperated if we move, but we still have to be able to make the initial investment. Please pray that if this is that place that God has chosen for us, He will open wide the doors.

The location that we are considering would have enough space for a our daily prayer meetings, our weekly worships services, and a classroom for a Regional Church Planting Training Center, which we hope to launch in the Fall of 2017. It also has a large room that would serve as shared office space. We will be able to rent out several office cubicles to people in the comminuty who are in need of such a work space, and this will help pay for the monthly rent of the entire building. This is the type of model that is needed in France, where the average church size is 50-80 people. Small congregations cannot afford to pay rent, utilities, etc. By having an income source that will also offer a useful service to the community we will not only enlarge the breadth of our social network, we will also be able to afford a building that is centrally located.

God is on the move in Lyon! Pray with us for wisdom and grace as we seek to keep in step with the Spirit. May we do all things by His strength and for His glory!

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Selah

This weekend we actively pursued Selah. At a spa.

We did not take a vacation in 2015. Not one. Not even a weekend away. We failed in our scheduling and in our budgeting, and we have only ourselves to blame. We worked 60 hours a week, and we ended the year tired, hopeless, and a tiny bit grumpy.

And so, as I feel called to a year of Selah, to a period of slowing down and reflecting, David and I decided that rather than simply hoping vacations would happen in 2016, we would take a proactive stance where rest was concerned.

Our Christmas gift to each other was a three-day weekend at a spa in the resort city of Annecy, complete with massage treatments and some of our favorite meals. We also committed to spending the time away working on our 2016 family budget and putting vacation dates down on the calendar for the rest of year. We had deep and important spiritual conversations, and time to reconnect relationally in much needed ways.

We accomplished all that we set out to accomplish, and came home today refreshed and ready for the days and weeks ahead. We have a family vacation scheduled for this summer. And another weekend getaway planned for November. We have a tricky Spring, as all of us have different Spring Breaks; however, we are committed to finding a weekend of rest that will work for all us this Spring as well. The budget has been adapted to account for these vacations.

And I am grateful. Rest is a gift, but one I often miss. In 2016, I'm not gonna miss it.

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The Lord's Slave

While in Madrid, I found myself  in a conversation with a man I know fairly well (we work together in a different setting) and a man I had just met. The man I had just met asked how I was connected to the people who were leading the conference, and before I could answer, the man I know said, "She is the personal assistant of one of the men on the team."

My jaw dropped.

My eyebrows furrowed.

My heart sank.

I felt sick to my stomach.

I fought back tears.

And in utter confusion I said, "No I'm not. We are friends. Colleagues. Coworkers. I am not nor have I ever been his personal assistant."

A week later, I still feel angry as I think about the exchange. (I'm not bragging, I'm confessing.)

I have been trying to figure out how a man with whom I have served on a team for over two years has come to the conclusion that I am the personal assitant of another on the team. And I am starting to wonder if it is because I sincerely try to practice servant leadership. And when a woman takes the role of a servant it is easy to assume that that is who she is. Especailly when (as is often my case) she is the only woman on the team.

For example, this man will often email me with logistical questions about arrival times and reimbursements. I answer these questions because I am trying to be helpful, not because it is my job. But suddenly I'm realizing that he has been emailing me these questions because he thinks I am the assistant--that it is my JOB to take care of those things. So every time I've reserved a taxi for the team, or coordinated meeting times, or sent out reminders, this man thought I was simply doing my job as the assistant when in fact, I was doing things that needed to be done in an effort to serve.

How can a woman be a servant leader among men without being relegated to the role of an assitant? It seems like when a male leader demonstrates a willigness to serve it elevates him as a leader, but when a woman leader demonstrates a willingness to serve she is simply seen as a servant.

But then there is a deeper issue that surfaces, one that has me even more bothered: Why do I care?

Is my identity tied to being recognized as someone important? Do I need to be known as an equal? And if so, what does this say about me? 

It says that in some ways  I am still serving for the glory of me rather than for the glory of God. It says that I want my contributions to be recognized more than I want God's kingdom to be built. It says that I still care about my name, when really I exist to make His name great. Otherwise I would take joy, a secret delight, in being mistaken for someone's assistant.

So while on a global level, I want to advocate for the equality of women, on the personal level, I want to be like Jesus, who being the very nature of God, did not consider equality with God as something to be grasped, but made Himself nothing. 

Jesus, help me to have this same attitude! To make myself nothing. And next time someone thinks of me as an assistant rather than an equal participant, may my  heart leap with joy. For I am the Lord's slave, and so it is only right that I should be known as a servant. 

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Madrid

The largest hotel in Europe

Every now and then in this missionary journey, I find myself in places that I have no business being. I sit at tables among giants, keenly aware of the reality that while the others have knowledge and experience that makes their presence at the table something to be desired, I am merely a guest. I did not earn my place at the table. But for some reason Jesus pulled out a chair and invited me to sit down. And so I sit, aware that I am on holy ground.

This was my experience in Madrid,

Eighty Christian leaders from 16 different European countries representing a broad spectrum of denominations came together to talk about leading national processes for church planting.

The conference was a Learning Community. What that means is that rather than operating like a traditional conference, where all of the information and expertise comes from speakers at the front of the room, participants are given an active role to play. Only about a third of the time is dedicated to the presentation of information. The rest of the time is spent in groups of 5-8 around tables, processing, understanding, and synthesizing the content of the presentations. And in the end, national teams are given time to make plans of action, considering how they might actually apply or implement the things that they have discovered through the process.

What's even more inspiring is the fact that as we come together as believers, the Spirit of God is also among us, leading us, helping us, correcting us, and challenging us. The organizers build time into the schedule to stop and listen to Lord, inviting Him into every conversation, giving Him authority over every decision, trusting Him at every turn. We worship together. We pray for each other. We study the Word. The facilitators do everything in their power to make sure that Jesus is on center stage, all the time, no matter what. And as these men and women lifted up their gates, the King of Glory came in.

Please don't interpret my wonder about what happened as ignorance concerning the complex issues facing the evangelical church in Europe today. The diversity between countries is much more pronounced than any similarities they might share, and what works in one nation may not work in another. There is no pat answer, no one-size-fits-all method that will result in healthy churches popping up on every corner. But this same complexity might also be a strength, allowing for multiple streams of success and promoting cross-pollination. It also keeps leaders from seeking a "magic bullet" and gives them permission to wrestle with the challenges, imagine creative solutions, and seek dynamic partnerships that have never before been considered.

I have been in the midst of the faithful, the fearless, and the forward-thinking. They can see a future where the Kingdom of God is expanding in the continent of Europe in tangible, redemptive, and transformative ways. And they want to go there together.

My role was small (miniscule, really!), but I felt privileged to play it. I was invited to lead the daily meditations, or times of spiritual reflection, on the subject of unity. I love it when the Lord speaks clearly, and in my time of preparation, I did have a sense of the Spirit's leading. But oh, the overwhelming sense of inadequacy as I stood before some of the best leaders and theologians on the continent and dared to open my mouth.

"Who am I," I kept asking myself, "that I should address such a room full of wisdom?"

"The least among them," came the response.  And I could almost see the hint of a smile play around the mouth of God as the words entered my head. "The very least among them."

Yes, isn't that just like God? The one who welcomes children, who dines with sinners, who seeks and saves the lost. Of course He would be able to speak through the most unlikely person in the room. Of course He would. For in this way, He would be seen. Not through my titles or diplomas or authority--for I have none! But through my weakness and my brokenness.

Yes, I am convinced that the Lord had his way in Madrid. And He could have done it with or without me, or any other person in the room, for that matter. Only He invited us, each one to the table. And in faith, with fear and trepidation, we sat down.

I can't wait to see what happens next.

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A Spiritual Formation Exercise from 2 Timothy 2

I am doing a slow and meditative read through 2 Timothy 2 this summer. Here Paul writes to his spiritual son, Timothy, to encourage him in his work as a minister of the Gospel. Paul's words are also an encouragement (and a challenge) to me. I find in this one chapter at least 25 different charges, each one critical to a fruitful and faithful ministry. Each day I am considering one or two of these exhortations and reflecting on how it applies to my life and ministry. Some give me a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction, others are deeply convicting, and a few are simply raising my expectations or increasing my vision. Today I just want to share with you the list of Paul's insights and the questions that I am asking myself in response to what Paul wrote. In a later post I will share some of my personal realizations as I answered my own questions. I think I will make this an annual exercise as a means of evaluating my ministry. 

I'd like to invite any of you to go through the exercise as well. It’s best to just do one or two a day, but reflect deeply and sincerely on the verse and the questions that the verse stimulate. Feel free to add your own questions to the mix as you follow the leading of the Lord. If you do this exercise, will you please give me feedback on how it went? Tell me what was useful and what didn't work as well. I'd like to refine and use it in some future ministry endeavors, so your input would be greatly appreciated. 

Photo Credit: Jordan Egli Photography 

(Scripture is in bold, italicized purple and quoted from the ESV. My questions are in blue.)

2 Timothy 2 Reflection Exercise:
2:1 be strengthened by the grace that is in Christ Jesus
Paul wrote this to Timothy in light of other who had fallen away from the faith. How are you being strengthened by grace?

2:2 what you have heard...entrust to faithful men
What is the message that has been entrusted to you? With whom are you sharing that message?

2:3 Share in suffering
Suffering is a given. But it is also to be a shared experience. What hardships are you currently suffering? Who is sharing your burden? And whose burden of suffering are you helping to bear?

2:4 No soldier gets entangled in civilian pursuits 
What entanglements do you need to avoid?

2:5 An athlete...competes according to the rules
What rules do you need to follow? What rules are you tempted to break?

2:6 the hard-working farmer...ought to have the first share of the crops
Are you doing ministry in such a way that you are growing as much as those whom you are serving? Do you benefit from your work in healthy ways, or is your work simply a drain on your resources?

2:8 Remember Jesus Christ
How is your relationship with your First Love? How do you keep Jesus at the center of your life and ministry?

2:10 endure everything for the sake of the elect
What are you currently enduring for the sake of those who have not yet heard the Gospel? What are you unwilling to endure? Have you put a limit on how far you would go for the sake of those to whom Christ has called you?

2:14 charge them...not to quarrel about words
What words are you tempted to quarrel about? When and with whom are you most likely to become quarrelsome about words? How would God have you to respond?

2:15  Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed
Are you doing your best? Does God approve of you and your work? Do you have any reason to be ashamed?

2:15 rightly handling the word of truth
Do you know the Word of God? Can you apply it rightly to life? Or are you careless, using verses to support your own agenda, irrespective of genuine meaning and intent?

2:16 avoid irreverent babble
What types of words come out of your mouth? Is your speech polluted by foul language or disrespectful attitudes? 

2:21 if anyone cleanses himself from what is dishonorable, he will be a vessel for honorable use
Are you clean? Do you keep short accounts when you wrong someone? Have you been taking regular spiritual "baths"? Is there any unconfessed sin in your life?

2:21 set apart as holy
Do you blend into the world, or are you different? Where are you tempted to "take part" rather than be "set apart"?

2:21 useful to the master
Whose kingdom are you building? Are you devoted to the service of the Master? Do you remember who's the boss? Are you learning, living, and leading in ways that God can use?

2:21 ready for every good work
Are you willing and able to do anything and everything the Lord asks? Is there any job that you consider to be beneath you?

2:22 flee youthful passions
What are your immature wants/desires? What steals your gaze from Jesus? How can you flee from those things?

2:22 pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace...
What are you doing to seek hard after righteousness? Do you live a life that is above reproach? How do you build and strengthen your faith? Do you leave too much to chance? What are you doing to act in love towards those around you? Are you intentional about this? Are you person who seeks peace? Where are you called to be a peacemaker?

2:22 ...along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart
The Christian life is a team sport. How are you building and living in community with others?

2:23  Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies
What foolish controversies tempt you? What would it look like to ignore them? Why do you feel drawn to participate in such controversies?

2:24 the Lord's servant must not be quarrelsome
The Christian church today is marked by quarrels. We are known by our disputes. How are you contributing to this reputation? What arguments do you actually take delight in?  What fights do you pick? When must you be right?

2:24 be...kind to everyone
Are you kind? To whom do you find it difficult to be kind?

2:24 able to teach
What are your competencies? Are you equipped to pass them on to others?

2:24 patiently enduring evil
How do you respond when you have been wronged? 

2:25 correcting his opponents with gentleness
Can you confront others gently? Or are you harsh? Will you sacrifice the Truth to avoid a needed confrontation?

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Praying for Lyon

This week I was in Lyon for a conference. My friend Tim, who is leading our church plant team that will launch to Lyon this summer, was also at the same conference. Since the conference was all about church planting, our colleagues gathered around us right there in the heart of the city and prayed for us and for Vieux Lyon, the neighborhood where we will plant.

We were blessed and encouraged by their love, support, and camaraderie. A Polish couple who just happed to pass by, stoppped by and joined in the prayer, as they were believers themselves. Then we dispersed into the city to pray and bless the community.

Here I am praying for a woman who was working as a living statue near the cathedral square. We had seen her earlier, and all of us noticed a tiny tear slide down her cheek. So we asked if we could pray for her and she was quite open. I also asked her if there was anything that she needed, any need we could meet for her. But she said no. 

I stayed over after the conference to look for an apartment, and I think I may have found one! Pray that our application will be accepted if it is, indeed, the place God wants us. We're moving from 200 square meters to 87 square meters. So pray for wisdom as we try to discern how to simplify and scale back! 

And in case you didn't see on FaceBook--Chandler just found out that he got accepted to the medical school in Lyon, so he'll be moving to Lyon with us. Rumor has it this is one of the best (if not THE best) medical schools in France.

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The Bleeding Woman

*This is the transcript of my teaching for the LifeSprings Retreat, based on Mark 5: 21-34*

Twelve. Years. The woman in this story had suffered for twelve years. I want you to think about where you were and what you were doing twelve years ago. That would have been the Spring of 2003. Now imagine that since that time you had been suffering from a uterine hemorrhage. Not just once a month, but every single day. The gravity of the situation actually doesn’t translate well into our context, because while this would have been a grave physical condition (can you imagine the anemia?) it would have also been a socially isolating condition. 

A bleeding woman was an unclean woman, and unclean women could not leave their houses and they could not be touched. Imagine not being touched for 12 years. Not one hug, not one pat on the back, not one handshake, not a simple kiss on the cheek. Children die from such neglect. And then no hope of marriage or children. No chance of those desires being fulfilled because the bleeding would have made them impossible.

But that still does not give us the full picture. Imagine twelve years of failed medical treatments, treatments that are described in some ancient Jewish history books—and let me assure you, they were invasive and humiliating. Twelve years. Mark says she “suffered a great deal under the care of many doctors.” The treatments did not ease her suffering, in fact they made it worse.

And there’s more. These ineffective treatments were expensive, and in hopes of being healed, this woman had spent herself into utter poverty. She invested every penny in these treatments, to the point where she had nothing left.

The woman in our story was desperate. She was suffering physically, emotionally, mentally, financially. She was at the end of her rope.

There are some in this room that are thinking, “Yes. That’s me. I’m at the end of my rope. And I have nothing left to give.” There are others who are thinking, “Sounds awful. But I can’t even imagine it. My life is pretty good.” Listen to me carefully, and hear my heart, whichever person you are. We are all every bit as desperate as the woman in this story. The only difference is whether or not we are aware of the desperateness of our own condition.

In the book of Revelation Jesus addresses the 7 churches, and to the church in Laodicea he says, “You say ‘I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing!’ But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind, and naked. I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes so you can see.”

Jesus says to this church—not unbelievers outside of the church—believers insider of the church! This church which, by the way was in a city known for, get this, financial wealth, an extensive textile business, and a famous eye salve. Jesus tells those who have put their confidence in earthly riches, clothing, and medical resources, that they are poor, naked, and blind, and that to have the things which they really need, they must come to Jesus. He is the only source of true wealth, the only one who can take away our shame, and the only source of healing. And the problem with the church at Laodicea is that they didn’t think they had a problem.

Those of us who say, “I do not need a thing” are perhaps the neediest of all. Because we do not know or we fail to acknowledge the depth of our own need. And so we push through on our own strength, believing in our own abilities, blind to the reality of how desperate we really are. Friends, we’re bleeding to death, every one of us. We are broken in every way, and we cannot save ourselves.

Sometimes, when we get glimpses of our weakness, hints of our own depravity, we seek solutions that leave us worse off than before. Like the many doctors the bleeding woman went to visit, we, too, will spend everything we have in hopes of being healed, only to be more wounded. Some go to the doctor of achievement, thinking that working hard and accomplishing great things will remove our shame and give us meaning. Some go to the doctor of drugs, soothing our pain with chemicals so that we can make it one more day. Some go to the doctor of complaining, whining and pouting about how hard we have it, begging for sympathy to validate our suffering. Some go to the doctor of self-righteousness, believing that being good and living purely will earn us the right to be healed. And while we know that Jesus has saved us from our sins, we keep seeking out other means to be healed from our brokenness, all the while denying that we are, indeed, broken.

And so in reading this passage, I think that the first step in connecting to God’s power is coming to terms with our own powerlessness. Can we get to the place where we admit that we are not rich? Indeed, do you agree with Jesus’ assessment—you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind, and naked?

The woman in our story knew she was desperate. She had heard talk of a man named Jesus, perhaps she had heard how he had healed people in other towns. And so with whatever hope she had, faith perhaps as small as a mustard seed, she headed out into the city. Throngs of people were crowding around Jesus, and Jesus himself was, at that moment, a man on a mission. An important mission! He had been called to the home of one of the synagogue rulers to heal the daughter of Jairus. It wasn’t like Jesus was hanging around with nothing to do. He and his disciples are walking with a purpose, but the woman in our story was determined. She shoves her way through the crowd, thinking “If I just touch his clothes, I will be healed.”

Up until this point in the Gospels, Jesus had performed miracles with his words. He healed the paralytic, calmed the sea, and cast out demons with a spoken command. Jairus asks for Jesus to come and touch his daughter, so there is indication that that Jesus was also known to heal by touch. But this woman—she doesn’t want to be seen, she just wants to be healed. She doesn’t ask for a word or a touch from Jesus. Instead she says to herself, “If I could just touch his clothes….”

Not only is the woman aware of the depths of her desperateness, she is also aware of the heights of Jesus power. Twelve years of constant suffering, and she has a faith that compels her to simply reach out and touch his cloak, just the edge of his cloak! And so she risks public humiliation, she uses up the very last vestiges of her physical strength, she musters all the bits of her shattered faith, and she stretches out her hand to touch his cloak. She does it because she knows that he is her only hope.

The bleeding woman grasps for Jesus. 

What are you grasping for? Because we are all grasping for something. 

Where will you spend the last bits of your energy, your time, and your faith? Do you run to FaceBook to see if anyone “likes” your status? Do you fish for complements from your husband? Do you look for approval from your colleagues? Do you run to your bank to see if anyone has made a donation to your account? Do you reach out after comfort foods, do you lose yourself in novels, do you go for a run? Do you call a friend? Do you watch a movie? Do you check your email? What are your grasping for? And can it really give you what you need? Do any of these things have the power to heal you?

Or do you reach out for Jesus? Will you do whatever it takes to find him, to see him, to reach out and touch him? Do you believe that a brush with the Savior can change the direction of your life? Or do you think that while Jesus is a nice guy and that his work on the cross was nifty, he really doesn’t have much to offer you in the here and now? Do you sit in your pools of blood and watch him pass you by because you know he has more important things to do, and you just don’t think that making a spectacle of yourself is worth the effort?

If the first step in connecting to God’s power is recognizing our own powerlessness, perhaps the second step is grasping for Jesus. If a touch of his cloak can fully heal the effects of a 12-year disease, what is possible by in the indwelling of his very Spirit? Do you get it? The Bible tells us that the same power that raised Jesus from the dead is available to you and me. And we say we believe it. And then we live powerless lives.

You see the bleeding woman did not sit in her house, close her eyes real tight, and say, “I believe.” She acted on her belief. She took her faith to the streets. Perhaps this is why we are constantly reminded that faith without works is dead. I’m betting that if she had simply sat at home with her faith, she would not have been healed. Nor could she have sent a friend. How often do we ask a friend to pray for us, when we ourselves haven’t even talked to Jesus about our situation?

On the other hand, the key is not simply faith in action, but the object of our faith.

When she touched the edge of his cloak, she was healed. The power of Jesus healed her, and Jesus felt the power leave him, and he sought her out. He asks, “Who touched me?” and the disciples look at him like he’s crazy because the crowd was all around him and people were pressing against him in every direction. In other words, everyone was touching him. Everyone was touching him, but only one received his power. One touch was different. It was a touch of faith.

So finally the woman reveals herself and tells her story. The whole truth. And then Jesus calls her, “daughter.” This is the only time recorded in scripture where Jesus calls a person, “daughter.” It is a tender moment, filled with compassion for her truth. Jesus, stops in the midst of his important errand to help the dearly-loved daughter of an important religious leader to comfort and to bless a nameless woman, and he calls her daughter, as if to say, “You, too, are dearly loved.” 

Then he tells her about what she just experienced. You see, he wants to make sure that she understands what has just happened. He doesn’t want anyone starting to believe crazy things like that his cloak was magic. He wants her to know that her faith in action is what gave her access to his power. And that was why she was healed.

The Christian faith is full of paradoxes, and this is just one of them. We are completely dependent on the power of Christ AND we are called to seek him out with all of our strength.

In his book Conversations, Brian Rice writes about this paradox. He writes, and I quote, “The Christian life always involves the dynamic tension of God’s gracious activity in your life that empowers and enables you with resources, gifts, and energy you do not possess on your own, AND, your personal responsibility to do everything that God has commanded you to do.”

Apart from Jesus we can do nothing, he is the one with the power. We can’t control his power, steal his power, earn his power, manipulate his power, or demand his power. But we can access his power. We access his power when, recognizing our own desperate condition, we put whatever measure of faith that we have into action and grasp for Jesus.

This, my friends, is how I have come to understand spiritual disciplines. For years I saw spiritual disciplines as daily to-dos. Boxes I needed to check off. Tasks that I “should” accomplish to be right with God. I even had the wrong idea that if I practiced spiritual disciplines, it was like putting money in a vending machine. Put in the right combination of change and goodies would pop out. So I did my “duty.”

But now I know that spiritual disciplines are not chores. The bleeding woman did not venture out into the crowds because she was obligated. She was not trying to impress Jesus. She just wanted to be healed and whole, and she had finally realized that Jesus was the only source for true healing and wholeness. So she gave everything she had left to connect to him.

Spiritual disciplines are our means of grasping at the cloak of Jesus so that we can be healed. They’re hard, but we don’t do them to earn goodies or to achieve some level of righteousness on our own. We do them because we know that we are desperate and that these disciplines will bring us into contact with the healer. They’re hard, but not too hard for those who are desperate.

After the break, we are going to get practical. We’re going to move into “how to” mode by exploring the idea of a Rule of Life, which is a way of engaging in spiritual disciplines that encompasses all of who we are. But as we begin to look at practical application, I want us to keep in mind the image of the bleeding woman reaching for the cloak of Jesus. Be moved to action by your faith in the goodness and grace of Jesus and your desire to be whole in every way. Do not be moved to action by a faith in your own abilities or a desire to look good in every way. The bleeding woman did not grasp to win the approval and applause of others. She was not looking to impress anyone. She would have preferred to be invisible. This is how we engage in spiritual disciplines. We don’t do them publically, and if done well, no one will know that we are doing them. No one will know, except that you will be changed by the process. Healed. Whole.

Before the break, I want to give you a few moments to reflect on your own desperateness.

Where are you feeling weary and discouraged?

How are you poor?

What is broken in you and desperately in need of healing?

Where are you isolated and alone?

How are you wounded?

What have you suffered?

And what are you grasping for?

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