Note to Self

Dear Jenn,

Based on your experiences from the past week, here is a list of dos and don'ts to tuck away in that blond brain of yours:

DO trust your husband in all matters of importance, he always takes good care of you.

DON'T ask your husband to buy you tights. Even if you carefully delineate the differences between pantyhose and tights, the finer points of women's hosiery are completely lost on the male mind.

DO agree to teach at the Thursday night women's Bible study at your church. You will always be blessed by those amazing women.

DON'T eat two bean tacos before you go to teach--EVER.

DO budget carefully at all times, but especially at Christmas.

DON'T be surprised when said budget is blown (pun intended) by the need to purchase new snow tires.

DO be thankful for a husband and son who changed a completely flat tire in 10 degree weather in the church parking lot--without getting frost bite on their fingers.

DON'T forget that during Spokane winters a family ought to keep warm clothing with them in the car...just in case someone needs to change a flat tire in 10 degree weather.

DO keep a close watch on the grey tabby cat who thinks your Christmas tree is catnip and the orange tabby cat who likes to use electrical cords as dental floss.

DON'T turn your back on the dog who loves chocolate when almond roca is in anywhere in the house. That nose of hers can smell through a gift bag, tissue paper, and plastic wrap. And she doesn't mind if she gobbles up a little packaging in the process.

DO give the dog Pepto Bismol.

DON'T be alarmed when 20 minutes later she eats Chandler's unattended pancakes.

DO listen to your child's dreams.

DON'T be shocked if those dreams include becoming a rock star, making piles of money, and using it to solve global poverty. ("By the way, mom I'll be needing another guitar, and how do you feel about learning to play the drums?")

DO make the living room the center for all sorts of family activities.

DON'T be dismayed by the constant presence of legos, guitars, amps, bouncy balls, computers, animals, crumbs, books, and homework.

DO hand address 388 Christmas cards.

DON'T plan on having any finger function for 48 hours.

DO spend 14 hours at church helping out at the women's Christmas Dessert.

DON'T plan on using the shower in the Adult Ministries wing bathroom. Besides the fact that the water is FREEZING, it is just plain weird to be naked in church.

DO listen to Christmas music and watch as many Christmas movies as possible.

DON'T be surprised if you start to think and talk like Buddy the Elf.

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