A Leader Suffers

"There is a cost that leaders must pay if they are to lead in the way of Christ. Suffering and sacrifice are not an anomaly. They are not a sign of failure. They are not early tests which you outgrow and move past. Sacrifice and suffering are the warp and woof of Christian leadership." Brian Rice, Invitations.

Christian leaders necessarily suffer. But we don't like that, so we turn to preachers like Joel Osteen and Joyce Meyer who drive their big cars and promise that God wants to bless us, too. As if blessing = freedom from hardship. And somewhere, deep down, we desperately want to believe that if we do this Christian life well, God will bless us. If we serve and give and pray and go to church, surely God will notice how good we are and toss us some heavenly cookies. We pray prayers of safety and protection, telling ourselves that God's good, pleasing, and perfect will could not possible include sorrow and suffering.

But what if God not only allows suffering in my life, what if he wills it? What if he wants to use it to shape who I am and how I lead?

"What kind of God would will for his children suffer?" I audaciously ask this question as if I am somehow more loving or kind than the God who voluntarily suffered for my sins. As if I would never be so cruel if I were God.

And yet, as a parent there were many times that I ordained suffering for my boys. The painful prick of a polio vaccine, the sting of a wooden spoon wielded by my own hand, the denial of a much wanted treasure that I had the means to provide, a transcontinental move during adolescence. I willed such suffering into their lives, and I dare say that I did so in love--in heart-wrenching, tear-spilling, hope-cherishing love. Yes, I am the kind of parent that willing allowed such suffering in the lives of my boys.

Some would prefer to attribute all suffering to Satan. And while I would agree that the enemy works overtime to bring harm to God's children, he cannot do anything to us that has not been approved by God. Consider Paul's thorn:

Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 

It appears that the suffering (or thorn) was inflicted by Satan, yet God allowed it to remain. And rather than grouse about it, Paul learned to delight in it, seeing the power of God's grace in the midst of his suffering.

As I lead in life and ministry, suffering is my promised companion. The question is, will I continually try to shirk it, resisting its work in my life, or will I learn to embrace it?

This week I was studying Paul's suffering as he describes it in 2 Corinthians when I got a text message from the renter of our house in Spangle. Due to the sudden thawing of massive amounts of snow, the ground floor of our house had a foot of standing water in it. This is our third flood in less than 8 years. Paul's words ran through my mind. In 2 Corinthians 6, Paul mentions:

afflictions...

hardships...

calamities...

sleepless nights...(I claim this as my own personal thorn, since I have sleepless nights even during the best of times!)

Suffering sucks. I guess you could say that I felt like I had paid my "natural disaster"dues. A third flood? Really? I can't like it. And here we are trying our best to serve the Lord in France! Could he not have held back the waters? I want my heavenly cookies!

It turns out I'm much better at discussing suffering theoretically. I detest it practically. Apparently God does not consider book-knowledge on the subject to be sufficient. So he's taking me on a field trip. I had a completely human response to this third invasion of my home. Shock. Then denial. I sent my parents an email, and the subject line said, "Our house flooded again." The body read, "I don't want to talk about it."

That was the state I was in when I headed out the door yesterday to do my weekly grocery shopping. Weird things happen to your thinking in crises like these. I found myself wondering if we could afford "extras" like popcorn when we have no way of paying our mortgage next month. As I was debating whether or not canned peaches (for a Valentine's dessert) could make the budgetary cut, a woman from our community choir stopped to say, "Hello."

I don't even know this woman's name, to tell you the truth, but as she asked all of the perfunctory questions, such as "How are you?" I felt compelled to mention the flooding of our house in the States--a sure sign that I was coming out of my state of denial. After hearing my sad tale, she asked, "Why does God allow suffering?" She is a self-admitted skeptic who knows that I work at the Protestant church in town, but her question seemed sincere. So there between the jellies and canned fruits, I shared the Gospel. She teared up at one point, but quickly pulled it together. Questions loomed in her eyes.

"Would you like to get together to read the Bible sometime?" I offered. She said she would think about it, and I believe she really will.

We don't always see the reasons for our suffering. Like the prick of a vaccine on a baby's chubby thigh, we feel the pain but have no understanding of it's purpose. Yet every now and then God gives us a glimpse of where he's working, weaving beauty from ashes. If my suffering means that someone will hear the Gospel for the first time, might I more gladly bear the burden? How many floods would I willing endure if they led to her salvation?

My friend at the grocery store saw my hurt and disappointment, but she also heard the reason for the hope that I have. God called me out of the darkness of denial to bring his light into a different darkness--one with eternal consequences. My suffering was no longer a personal matter--and this is key--because leaders rarely have the privilege of private pain.

As suffering does its work in my life, it changes how I lead. The temptation is to let suffering turn me inward, but Christian leaders are called out in their suffering. God wants my pain to become a conduit for his grace to pour into a lost and desperate world. If I let it, suffering teaches patience, compassion, and faith. It fertilizes my prayer life, refines my theology, and creates a space for greater intimacy with the Lord.

And when I lead out of that kind of brokenness, I lead humbly, I lead gently, I lead like Jesus.

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French Test

I'm in the midst of a French Test. I'm trying to get an honest assessment of my current level so that I can be more intentional about continuing to progress.

Yesterday I took the Oral Expression part of the test, today I took the Written Expression part. I still have to do Oral and Written Comprehension. Some days I think that I am never going to get this language down.

The funny thing is, many mono-ligual American would consider us to be bilingual at this point. We are not. Chandler is the closest, and even he thinks he has a long way to go.

Language learning has its benefits, though. It helps me to stay humble. It helps me to stay dependent on others. It helps me not to take myself too seriously. It helps me to think before I speak, and it definitely keeps me from rambling on. I don't waste words in French, I only say what is absolutely necessary!

Yesterday I was on a three hour conference call with three French men. I barely uttered a peep. At the end, one of the guys said, "Hey, we didn't hear much from you." Another guy said, "That's because we kept cutting her off!" Which was true. But in English, I'm pretty sure I would've made myself heard. I'd have pushed harder. I'd have spoken louder. In French, I'm much better at shutting up. 

The funny thing is, there was one point where I thought something really needed to be said, so I kept trying to get a word in edgewise. I tried and tried to express one pertinent thought, and I couldn't get a break. After 15 minutes of this, one of the guys finally said the very thing that I had been trying to say. I sat back satisfied. It turns out that I really didn't care who got credit for idea, I just knew the idea would be helpful and I wanted it to get shared. Which makes me wonder if I might even be a nicer person in French than I am in English.

So no matter what results I get on this French Test, I'll still keep working on it. But I hope that as my skills progress, I'll be able to keep what my ineptness has taught me.

There really is beauty in weakness. 

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What about Junia?

Disclaimer: The more I research what the Bible has to say about the issue of women in ministry, the more I realize that the answers are not as simple as I was once led to believe. Following my posts on Phoebe and Priscilla, some have written to "set me straight." And I appreciate their genuine concern. Ironically, the complementarians seem to think that I have taken an egalitarian stance and the egalitarians seem to think that I have taken a complementarian stance. Neither seemed to entertain the possibility that I was moving somewhere towards the middle, which is, in fact, where my research is leading me. So those of you who have your minds made up on the subject, I beg your patience as I try to sort it all out for myself. While I welcome feedback, please understand that I have been studying this issue for two years and I am very familiar with the basic party lines of both sides! Many choose not to dig deeper into this issue because their current understanding is satisfactory for their present experience and calling. I was in that boat for much of my life. But today my calling demands a more thorough investigation. Rather than depending on others' conclusions, I am seeking to faithfully investigate the scriptures for myself in a hermeneutically sound fashion, seeking guidance and wisdom from the Lord along the way. I am not yet sure of where I will land on this, therefore, I am certainly not trying to convince anyone of anything. I am merely seeking (with as much integrity as I can muster) to take an honest look at the issue. If you've already landed at your destination, I remind you that I am still voyaging. On to Junia....

"Would you want to teach a session on the subject of women in ministry at a French leadership conference?"

It wasn't a formal invitation. At this point, it was just an idea being casually kicked around among friends.

"You could talk about women in leadership."

Gulp.

The response going through my head was something like, "Not for all the chocolate in the universe."

Once again I found myself being invited to lead others into territory that is uncomfortable and somewhat unexplored for me. God keeps pushing me into these places, demanding a response. I know he made me a woman and a leader. I've been both since the day I was born. But after 42 years, I still don't always know how to reconcile those two qualities in Christian contexts.

Perhaps that is why I am so intrigued by the mention of a person named Junia at the end of Paul's letter to the Romans:

Greet Andronicus and Junia, my fellow Jews who have been in prison with me. They are outstanding among the apostles, and they were in Christ before I was.

So much interesting information in this tiny little verse!

First, who are Andronicus and Junia? This is the only times that their names appear in scripture, but they are clearly loved by Paul. Andronicus is a male name and Junia is a female name. However, in a 1927 translation of the Greek New Testament, a translator named Nestle added a masculine ending to the name--making it Junias. All other Greek translations, including the well respected one by Erasmus in the Reformation era, contained a clearly feminine name. In fact the male version, Junias, is a made-up name that is non-existent in writings and historical documents from the time (it would be like trying to turn a name like Karen or Susan into a boy's name). Meanwhile, the female version, Junia, was a rather common name among women. Finally, in 1998, the Jubilee Edition of the Nestle-Aland Greek translation, reverted back to the feminine form of Junia, which is widely accepted as accurate by most Biblical scholars.

(Just for fun, check out the verse in your Bible. If you have a translation that was published between 1927 and 1998, Romans 16:7 will probably read Andronicus and Junias, but a translation from before 1927 OR after 1998 will most likely read Andronicus and Junia. Oh the power and responsibility of Bible translators!)

While we can be fairly certain that Junia was a woman, it is unknown whether Andronicus was her husband or her brother. The mention of their names together indicates some sort of familial relationship and some historians believe that they were relatives of Paul's. In any case, they became Christians before Paul and they had suffered for their faith alongside of him--these two facts are the only undisputed details in this verse! Given those points, I already have a great deal of respect for Junia. She was a faithful follower of Christ who went to prison because of her dedication to him.

The most debated issue from Romans 16:7 is whether or not Junia was an apostle. It seems that the tiny little Greek preposition "en" holds all the cards. You see, there are two possible ways to translate "en."

Either: Andronicus and Junia are highly respected among the apostles.

Or: Andronicus and Junia are highly respected by the apostles

One little word--so much controversy.

According to Danker and Bauer in A Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament and Other Early Christian Literature, Third Edition, "The uses of this preposition are so many and various and often so easily confused that a strictly systematic treatment is impossible. It must suffice to list the main categories which will help to establish the usage in individual cases. The earliest auditor/readers, not being inconvenienced by grammatical and lexical debates, would readily absorb the context and experience little difficulty." The same book lists twelve main categories of usage for the Greek word "en."

The Romans who received this letter from Paul obviously knew Andronicus and Junia because Paul asks the Roman church to greet them. The Romans weren't the least bit confused by the word "en." Its meaning would have been obvious to them. I wish it were clearer for us.

I have read commentary after commentary arguing for one translation or the other. Some seem certain that Paul is identifying Junia as an apostle. Others concede that while this is the best grammatical translation, it cannot be the accurate translation because there are no female apostles in the Bible. Um, wait a minute, does anyone else see the problem with that argument? It seems like most traditionalists scholars would prefer to wallow in ambiguity than explore the possibility that a female apostle was named in the Bible.

After intensive research, I believe that it's likely that Paul identifies Junia --a woman-- as an apostle.

So let's play "what if...", understanding that from this point on, we are working in the realm of intelligent speculation, not proven fact.

What if there is a female apostle named in the Bible? What if she was outstanding among the apostles? What would that do to established leadership structures in the church? How would that influence our understanding of other Pauline texts on the subject? What would that do to your theology about women leaders?

The truth is, the existence of a female apostle would change a lot of things. 

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Making Disciples

I'm currently reading a book by Alan Hirsch called The Forgotten Ways, which is basically about how the western church has gotten away from the original Biblical model of church. The author writes a lot about history and how various social trends and religious revolutions have affected they way that we do church. He then proposes things that we can do to move back towards God's heart and vision for his people.

To summarize (and probably over-simplify), one of Hirsch's assertions is that by moving to an attractional model of church--where much of church life revolves around a weekly service in a single location, we have raised the bar on how church is done (i.e. we produce high quality, consumer friendly services). At the same time, we have lowered the bar on how we make disciples. He goes on to contend that by doing this we make church too complex and discipleship too easy.

In the early church, the gatherings were simple; often in homes, over meals. There were no "professional" Christians, rather, responsibilities were shared among believers according to gifting and availability. It was easily reproducible, inexpensive, and unpretentious.

Discipleship, on the other hand, was considered a serious engagement. In fact, many would-be disciples were turned away because they were found unworthy. A disciple was expected to be prepared to die for the cause of Christ--this was one of the minimum requirements!

Indeed, we don't do discipleship like that anymore. We're delighted if someone will agree to an hour-long weekly meeting. We hedge and apologize about the idea of tithing, much less sacrificial giving, because we don't want to appear meddlesome. We turn a blind eye to blatant sins, like gluttony, greed, and gossip, because we no longer appreciate the difference between a call to repentance and a judgmental attitude.

The question this book has raised for me is this: Have we reduced discipleship to an optional pursuit for western Christians? Are we content for people to sit in our churches, be encouraged by our worship, and soak in our sermons, believing that their presence in a weekly service qualifies them as a disciple? Are we in decline as a church because we have succeeded in producing successful services but failed in making disciples?

As I am reading this book, my husband David is preparing to launch a disciple-making project in France. Many French churches have identified lack of true discipleship as a major hindrance to church growth, church-planting, and evangelization. The problem is, there are very few resources available on what it means to create a disciple-based church environment and how to do it. When one does a Google search of "disciples France" on the Internet, the top results include a great chef who has quite a following, something about a skateboarding park, and eventually some books on Christian workers in the 1600s. Finally, a few Canadian and American mission organizations appear. But outside of formal theological education in France, there are no French resources, no conferences, no books, nothing.

Our hope is to change all of that. A big part of the disciple making project will be a website that is dedicated to developing, translating, and distributing discipleship resources. Another feature of the project will be regional conferences that will train and equip church leaders to build discipleship communities within their congregations. The project will also help to build networks for sharing best practices and lessons learned.

Please pray for David and this exciting new project. He is in the process of building a team, communicating the vision, and constructing the website. The need is huge and there is already a great deal of interest in the project.

Of course, providing resources is not the answer. In the States there is an abundance of resources, and yet a notable lack of genuine disciples. So please pray for a Spirit-led revolution, where those who are called to be followers of Jesus would give themselves fully to him. Pray for genuine transformation of lives that results in increased investment in mission and kingdom living. And while you're at it, why not take a minute to reflect on your own life. Are you church and Bible Study attender or a sold-out disciple?

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What about Priscilla?

“Does God allow women to teach?” she asked, looking to me for clarity.

This bright, gifted college student was being trained to join a church planting team in France, and she wanted to fully play her part. Through her training she discovered a preaching gift, but she wasn’t sure what to do with it. As a pastor’s daughter, she had been bathed in the faith since infancy; yet, questions like this one remained unanswered. Taboo.

“Does God allow women to teach?”

It’s a question that I, too, have been forced to wrestle with since moving to France. In the States I kept plenty busy using my preaching gift in the realm of women’s ministries, which is generally not controversial. But since moving to France, where there really is no such thing as “women’s ministries,” I’ve been asked to preach or teach to mixed-gender groups. That is to say, when I preach in church these days, both men and women are present. And we have lost one supporter due to this fact—a man who wrote to tell us that God does not allow women to teach men.

I wish I could be so sure.

Again, scholars—experts who love Jesus with all of their hearts—have studied the scriptures pertaining to this subject and come to different conclusions. I, too, delve into the Word of God, seeking wisdom, guidance and truth. While my questions are clear, the answers are not so simple. However, I have discovered a few insights that help me to make my way.

At the end of Paul’s letter to the Romans, right after he commends Phoebe, Paul sends greetings to his friends Priscilla and Aquila:

 Greet Priscilla and Aquila, my co-workers in Christ Jesus. They risked their lives for me. Not only I but all the churches of the Gentiles are grateful to them. Greet also the church that meets at their house.

Priscilla is a married woman who is mentioned six times in the New Testament, always with her husband Aquila.  Four of the times that they are mentioned, Priscilla’s name comes first—a detail that carried significance, as it was contrary to standard practice.  According to the New American Commentary on Acts, “That she is usually mentioned before her husband is indeed remarkable for first century usage but probably is less due to her social status than to her prominence in Christian circles.”

Priscilla and Aquila make their Biblical debut in Acts 18, where they are identified as tentmakers who worked alongside Paul both in vocation and in ministry. Later in that same chapter, they teach a man named Apollos. Apollos was a highly educated man from Alexandria who knew the way of the Lord and spoke boldly and accurately about Jesus. Priscilla and Aquila recognized that he had a gift, but they also noticed some minor faults in his theology concerning baptism. So they invited Apollos to their home and taught him the truth. Luke writes this in Acts 18:26:

He [Apollos] began to speak out boldly in the synagogue. But when Priscilla and Aquila heard him, they took him aside and explained to him the way of God more accurately.

Apollos went on to become a powerful preacher and evangelist, due in part to his humble acceptance of the teaching that he received from Priscilla and Aquila.  

The New American Commentary on Acts says, “It is noteworthy that Priscilla took an equal role with her husband in further instructing Apollos.” In other words, everything in the passage, including the phrasing in the original Greek, indicates that the teaching of Apollos was a joint effort, shared by husband and wife.

In the end of his letter to the Romans, Paul sends heartfelt greetings and expressions of gratitude to his friends Priscilla and Aquila, calling them both his “co-workers,” which I imagine was a double entendre. So when people say that in 1 Timothy 2:12 Paul strictly forbids women to teach men, I have to ask, “What about Priscilla?”

Tune in next week when I ask, "What about Junia?" 

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Ten Totally Trivial Tidbits

1. Last week David and Graham helped to lead worship at an ecumenical service in Loches. Every January we join together with the Catholic church in our town for a Wednesday evening service, focusing on the things we have in common, which are, honestly, the main things--salvation through Christ alone, unity in the Holy Spirit, and love for the Father. 

2. I do not understand Pinterest. I just don't get it. I don't know if I want to get it. Can someone please tell me what they like about Pinterest? Should I figure it out?

3. Google+ is also an enigma to me. Why do I see posts from people that I do not know? 

4. On the contrary, I totally dig a website called ravelry.com where I can find all sorts of knitting and crochet patterns, many of which are free! I recently crocheted a super cute pair of baby converse. See:

The pattern is free and can be found here.

5. Our summer plans are starting to come together. Looks like we'll be taking a two month furlough, spending July and August in beautiful Spokane, Washington. But I don't know how to take a furlough, so if you have any advice I'd love to hear it. I'm pretty sure furloughs include Baskin Robbins mint chocolate chip ice cream, boxes and boxes of Lucky Charms, and plenty of trips to Thai Bamboo.

6. Last time I preached one of my sons asked, "Why do people laugh at you all the time?" Hello? I'm funny. When will my kids finally accept that truth? 

7. Here's my new favorite super-flavorful/super-easy dinner-in-one-pan-but-NOT-a-casserole recipe. I modify it by using boneless, skinless chicken breasts. I bake the green beans and potatoes for 30 minutes while marinating the chicken. Then I add the chicken to the pan for just the last 30 minutes of cooking time. Comes out perfect every time, and it's pretty too!

You can find the recipe here.

8. I really wish you people would pass along some good fiction titles. I love non-fiction as much as anybody, but a girl needs some book candy every now and then. Throw me a bone! I'll give an amazon gift card to the person who recommends a fiction book that WOWs me! Yes, I will BUY you a book if you can just suggest a good one that I haven't read.

9. Anytime someone in our house speaks a three syllable phrase, Chandler sings the phrase to the tune of the Tranformers! theme song. "Where's Gemma?" "Pass the salt." "Don't do that." Are you humming along? The rest of us are avoiding three syllable phrases these days. 

10. David is in the final week of P90X--an intensive exercise regime. He's lost 14 pounds and he is looking GOOOOOOOOOD!

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Flailing and Failing

Last Friday I started out running, just like every other morning.

But the wind was cold, the route was challenging, and this old body was tired. Despite great effort, my run gradually slowed to a jog, then stumbled to walk, then choked to a stop. Finally, I doubled over. Done.

I needed someone to spoon me off of the sidewalk and ladle me home.

Today was a completely different story! From the first stride to the last, I moved with strength and agility. At the end of my route I felt as though I could do it all over again.

Why do the same three miles completely exhaust me one day and barely challenge me the next?

As I ponder this question I realize that I have the same experience in ministry. One day every word that I speak rings of truth and love. The next day I struggle to find any words with meaning or significance. One day I'm doing ministry with power and impact, the next day I find myself ineffective and irrelevant. One day I'm sensing God's presence and pleasure, the next day I'm questioning his involvement and interest in my life.

How do I get off of this roller coaster?

There is an account in the gospel of Mark that speaks to this very issue. Jesus had taken three of his disciples up the mountain with him, where they saw him converse with Moses and Elijah like they were old friends. Talk about a spiritual high! I'm sure Peter, James, and John were never the same. But I wonder how the other nine disciples felt, being left to manage on their own back in the village. They weren't invited to go on this awesome spiritual retreat, they were down in the nitty gritty, still doing ministry. And doing it poorly, I might add.

As Jesus, Peter, James, and John came down off the mount, probably singing "kum-bi-yah" and glowing, they noticed the other disciples were in the midst of an angry crowd. The nine were at the center of the controversy, looking sheepish and resentful, while smug Pharisees and a frantic parent hurled insults at them.

Jesus asks, "What are you arguing about?"

The agitated parent quickly explains that he has brought his mute, demon- possessed son to the disciples for an exorcism and that the disciples had attempted and failed to cast out the demon.

So Jesus quickly assesses the situation. He deals with father's faith issue. No problem. He deals with the nasty demon. No problem. Then he sneaks away with his disciples--all twelve this time.

Defeated, the disciples ask, "Why couldn't we drive it out?"

You see, they had performed numerous exorcisms prior to this attempt. They knew the drill, they'd experienced the power, they had the faith, and yet, in this instance, they failed. While Jesus was up on the mountain with his besties, the other nine, the un-chosen, were down in valley, flailing and failing and not understanding why.

One day they were running strong, the next day they were sprawled out on the pavement.

He spoons them off the sidewalk and ladles them home, explaining, "This kind [of demon] can only come out by prayer." It doesn't appear to be a reproach, just a statement of fact.

I hate to say it, but I find his response a little, well, unsatisfying. So what? So when I'm struggling I just need to pray? If I had been one of those disciples I'd have been thinking, "Well, sorry Jesus, but while you and your select few were up there having your secret meeting we were trying our best to hold things together down here. Do you know how needy these people are? When exactly were we supposed to be getting in our devotions? And don't you think we know all about praying?!?!"

But perhaps that's exactly the problem. Perhaps the nine disciples, having been left behind, lost sight of the fact that they had, indeed, been chosen, that they did, indeed, have access to God even in the absence of Jesus, and that they could still call on his name. Perhaps, while claiming faith in the power of prayer, they had failed to pray in power. Perhaps they were relying on their past experiences and their own strength--they forgot that ministry success didn't actually depend on them.

I'm learning that in this life I'm going to have ministry failures. I'm going to hit physical walls and spiritual walls that don't seem to make sense. I'm going to feel forgotten by God, even though he's clearly chosen me. I'm going to be tempted to compare my experience with others and come to the conclusion that they've been partying on the mountain while I've been left to tend to the work. And I'm going to get disgusted by the seemingly simplistic solutions that Jesus offers. Solutions that often take me back to inadvertently overlooked basics. Solutions that actually work.

When I think back to the day when I struggled to complete my run, I realize that I had not eaten properly before setting out on my route. I was also insufficiently hydrated. On top of that, I had not slept well the night before. Honestly, I hadn't slept at all. While the route was routine, my resources were depleted. I whine, "Why couldn't I complete my run?" when the simple but honest answer is, "This run can only be completed by nourished runners."

In the same way, the further I go in my ministry and service of the Lord, the more desperate I am for the basic nourishment that comes from prayer, scripture, worship, and fellowship. I don't outgrow those things, I grow more dependent on them! This isn't a reproach, just a statement of fact.

I need thee, oh I need thee

Every hour I need thee

Oh bless me now my Savior, I call to thee! 

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