Excited?

At least once a day a dear friend asks me, "Are you excited?"

I know the answer should be, "Yes!"

After all, we heard the call to France way back in 2007. We were appointed by Greater Europe Mission in the Summer of 2008. We began the arduous (and still incomplete) task of fundraising in the Fall of 2008. This move-to-France-to-become-missionaries-thing has been a long time in the making. Now that the moment in upon us, now that a departure date is set, now that the dream is about to become a reality, don't you think I should be excited?

I want to be excited. I'm trying to be excited. I will be excited.

But in order to get to the point where excitement is possible for me, I have to face the reality of my disappointment.

"Disappointment?" you ask. "I thought that this was what you wanted."

And it is.

I knew this day would come. We did not make this decision lightly. We are certain that God has called us to France. At the same time, I am leaving a job that I love. I am leaving a home that I love. Most importantly, we are leaving friends and family that we love.

I will be excited as soon as I get over this mountain of grief.

I saw the mountain in the distance. I knew it was coming. I knew that it stood directly in the pathway to France. Indeed, I knew it was part of the call. Knowing a mountain is coming doesn't lessen the pain or make the climb any easier.

Today, I am struggling to leave well. I am looking to my Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of my faith. For the joy set before Him, He endured the cross. My grief pales in comparison. Nevertheless, there is a level of pain I must endure in leaving.

I see the joy on the horizon. And I promise to be excited when I get there.

Tweet