Friday, July 17, 2015

Good News/ Bad News

Good News: I finished my summer term of seminary, and I now have a break until September! I am eager to read FICTION, get back into a regular rhythm of blogging, and begin working on plans for a new ministry endeavor that I have brewing in my head.

Bad News: Our third application for an apartment in Lyon was denied.

Good News: Some very dear friends have offered to be co-signers for us, so our next application has a fighting chance!

Bad News: I (who almost NEVER play video games) have become addicted to a Play Station game called Hot Shots Golf. No, I don't golf in real life. But I'm beginning to understand the attraction. I'm having to self-impose limits on my gaming time, and while I can stick to my limits, I'm amazed at how confining they feel. And for the record, I totally blame Chandler, who had actually started praying that we would find a video game that I like to play.

Good News: I'm getting good at Hot Shots Golf. Yesterday I even beat David. I shot a -11 on 18 holes in Okinawa.

Bad News: My hip, which started hurting back in October, has worsened. I'm going in for an x-ray next week.

Good News: A hip x-ray in France costs 27,50€. That's a little over $30 with today's exchange rate. For reals.

Bad News: If the x-ray shows any sign of arthritis (which my doctor says is unlikely given my age, but still a possibilty) I will have to stop running.

Good News: If the x-ray shows any sign of arthritis I get to stop running!

Bad News: We won't be taking a vacation this summer--moving is our big splurge.

Good News: We still have some time off in August, which we will (hopefully) be able to use to get settled in Lyon. And exploring our new city will feel sort of like a vacation! Except the packing. I hate packing.

Bad News: I need to pack.

Good News: When all things are offered up to the Lord, bad news is made good. That's the gospel, Friends. Beauty from ashes. From video games to x-rays to packing--I rejoice, for my redemption draws near.




Thursday, July 9, 2015

The Bac Results

French Bac results are posted on the door of the main office of the Lycée, and since we live right accross the street from the Lycée, we have witnessed the excitement of this day every summer for the past four years. Students arrive, nervous. Then they quickly scan the pages, looking for their name. Chandler's school has a 97% pass rate, so for the most part students are not too worrried about passing, they are curious to find out if they received a "mention," which is what I think Americans would call an "honor."

The grading system is a complex formula that assigns varying coefficients to each subject matter depending on the chosen major of the student. For example, as a Science Major, Chandler's math, biology, and Physics/chemistry exams had the highest coefficients, while history, philosphy, and languages had lower coefficients. The highest possible grade is 20/20. A student must acheive 10/20 to pass. Honors are given for 12-14/20 ( Assez Bien or Satisfactory), 14-16/20 (Bien or Well Done) and 16-18/20 (Très Bien or Very Well Done). Anything over 18 is extremely rare, but when it happens the student receives a Very Well Done plus the congratulations of the jury.

This year, the event had personal significance, since Chandler's results would be posted on those doors. It's a quintessentially French moment...there are no graduation ceremonies, no caps and gowns, just the day of results coupled with millions of text messages offering congratulations (or condolences, as the case my be). Once the students see their posted results, they can pick up their official results in the office, which gives the breakdown of their perfomance in each subject area. Then they gather with their classmates and compare notes. Here you can see Chandler (in orange) consulting with his friends.


Chandler passed with a "mention Bien," which is signified by the B after his name in the photo below. (By the way, that is a reflection of our house in the photo, Chandler's name written on our roof!) Professors also gather at the school to congratulate students on their results. Chandler's professors were pleased with his results, some were clearly emotional. They have watched him fight these past four years, having to learn French while preparing for this major exam. Their respect for what he has accomplished and their delight in his success was was evident in their words and demeanor. 


Chandler's overall score was 15/20, but he was most pleased with his score on the Math section--a perfect 20/20. For us, the greatest achievement has been his perseverance, his resilliancy, and his faithfulness. He has done a really hard thing with amazing tenacity and a brilliant attitude. We couldn't be more proud. 


Tuesday, July 7, 2015

High Anxiety

I'm not much of a worrier, or so I thought, until last year when I suffered through a season of panic attacks. Apparently, I simply repress worry until the worry stages a revolt, demanding to be heard through a racing heart beat, sensations of sheer terror, and shortness of breath. Suddenly Cool Jenn was outed by Freaked-Out Jenn. Worry was winning and I had to find a new way to cope.

Over the past year, the Lord has done deep and important work, gently inviting me to cooperate with the process, but clearly leading the way. I'm learning to face my fears--which means I have to admit they exist in the first place, darn it! Because the scary thing about fears is that they reveal root sins like a lack of faith, inordinate attachments, a need to control, and pride. God is teaching me to name these little buggers, confess them as sin, and find freedom. And I am being transformed by this process.

But over the past week, I've started feeling the flutters of anxiety once again.

We need to move to Lyon, but we are having trouble finding an apartment. Even though we meet all income requirements, our applications are being refused because we are foreigners and we don't have a co-signer. We have faced this monster before, and God always makes a way, but I'm feeling pressures of time. I know this is not a life or death issue and I know in the end it will all work out. But today? Today I'm struggling to find peace. My mind knows the truth, my soul stands firm, but my body is starting to revolt.

Providentially, I've been slowly working my way through the Sermon onthe Mount, and I recently came to section on anxiety.

Consider the lilies of the field....

Lilies don't work. They don't try to control or cajole or manipulate. They bloom in their season, tall and bright, clothed in glory but seemingly unaware of their own splendor.

Consider the birds of the air....

Birds don't worry. They don't wile away their summer wondering what will happen in the fall. They sing the glory of their creator, confident of His unending care.

And I serve a God who invites me to engage life like a lily, like a bird.

Jesus, help me to turn my impatience to praise, and my anxiety to "amen." Let me rest in the blessed assurance that you who clothe the lilies and feed the birds will not fail to meet my every need. 

Thursday, July 2, 2015

Dog Fight

The religious men were right.

They caught a woman in the act of adultery, and they brought her to Jesus looking for a pronouncement of judgement. Just in case Jesus had forgotten the rules, they quoted their Bibles:

"In the law Moses commanded us to stone to death such women."

The religious pick up rocks, but Jesus begins to write in the dirt.

His quiet response unnerves them. Can't this so-called prophet see that Israel is going to hell in a handbasket? So they keep on pressing. Each of them making a case against this woman with the hashtag #Truthwins.

But Jesus didn't need reminding of the truth. There, in the public arena, Jesus makes the poignant choice to hold his tongue.

And the crowd closes in. They have the right to thow their stones, and they want Jesus to validate their actions. But Jesus doesn't give them what they want. When he senses his silence is not being heard, he finally speaks. But his  judgement is not against the woman. Instead, he simply says, "Whoever among you is guiltless may be the first to throw a stone at her."

And he went back to writing in the dirt.

One by one, beginning with the oldest, the people began to drop their stones.

#Lovewins?

Not so fast. Once the crowd had gone, Jesus kindly confronts the woman whose life he just saved from the religious right. There is no condemnation, but there is a word of loving truth. "Go and sin no more."

As I watch the debate over gay marraige unfold in the new public arena of social media, I wonder if we don't have a lesson to learn from Jesus.

Many seem to believe that speaking out against sin in the public arena  is a demonstration of faith. But Jesus refused to get into the fray EXCEPT to protect the sinner who was being attacked.

Others seem to think that there is never a time to pass judgement or confront sin. But Jesus refused to turn a blind eye to sin. The difference is that Jesus confronted sin personally, after having demonstrated a love that put his own reputation at risk.

In fact, in the public arena, Jesus was much more likely to confront the religious for their sin, than those who had no knowledge of the law. We seem to get it backwards. We confront sin in the pulic arena and coddle it in the church. I've heard very few sermons in the church on greed, even though the average Christian gives less than 2% of their income. I've only ever heard one sermon on gluttony, even though the church is full of people who are in bondage to that sin.

So we keep pretty quiet about sin in the church and get vocal about it in the world.

And I can't even imagine how it must grieve our Father in heaven that we have thrown Truth and Love in the ring to fight it out like dogs. Then we go to the public arena and cheer for our dog with hashtags.

Both Truth and Love belong to Jesus, and one can't win at the expense of the other. Before we start declaring who wins, maybe we better asks who loses. 

Friday, June 19, 2015

Ten Totally Trivial Tidbits


  1. Restrooms in Poland are labeled "Toalety." Apparently the Y at the end of a Polish word makes the word plural. Interestingly, when I went to use the toalety at the hotel where I was staying a few weeks ago, I found myself in a conundrum. I don't know the words for "Men" and "Women" in Polish, but even if I did I'd have been at a loss, because the doors did not have words on them. Neither did they have male and female stick figures. One door had a triangle and the other had a circle. If I hadn't read The Divinci Code I'd have been sunk. All that symbol business became instantly relevant to me!
  2. I was in Poland for the European Leadership Forum, and one of the speakers was a man named Ajith Fernando. He is the leader of Youth for Christ in Sri Lanka and he taught us each morning from the book of Nehemiah. His teaching was powerful and I am still feeding off of his words. One of the best things he said was this: "Burnout is not caused by hard work. Burn out is caused by insecurity, because insecure people refuse to rest. Sabbath is an act of faith--it is what it means to be secure in Christ."
  3. We saw Jurassic World in 3D. I loved the raptor pack. 
  4. I have written a bazillion reports this week. Some were annual reports for supporting churches. Some were evaluations for grant makers who have funded various projects in France. Some were for scholarships. Some were for our annual employee review. The administrative tasks in life make me very tired--and yet...it is amazing to look back over the past year and see all that God has done. If they would call annual reports "Glimpses of God's Glory" I'd probably enjoy them a lot more. So that's what I'll call them from now on! 
  5. Chandler has one more week of greulling tests and then a couple of greulling weeks waiting for results. This French Baccalauréat is intense business. 
  6. We have submitted applications for two different apartments in Lyon. Both are about the same size and about the same price. One has three bedrooms, and that is the one that I would prefer. Please pray that God makes His will and His way known. We trust Him.
  7. Graham bought a tiny little amp that will be perfect for a dorm room. Not sure which part of that sentence makes me happier...that Graham bought it himself, or that Graham finally has an amp that he likes in the States. It's orange. And apparently it sounds great. Wish I could hear him play. I miss that guy!
  8. I traveled a lot over the past month. Every time I came home, I suffered from horrible allergies. I thought it was environmental. But then we started to notice that the allergies acted up when I was close to David. It turns out I was allergic to a new deoderant that he was using. Weird. He's thrown it away, changed brands, and I haven't sneezed since!
  9. My stove--which I love--will not fit in either of the apartments that we like in Lyon. It's a large, five-burner gas stove that brings me much cooking joy. Store it or sell it? That is the question. 
  10. So I've almost finished Hobbes 2.0, and I've run out of orange yarn. I went to the yarn store to try to buy more and they didn't have anymore. So a Hobbes head, four Hobbes paws, a Hobbes body and half-finished Hobbes tail are sitting in a basket on the coffee table. It's a sad sight. And I'm not sure what to do about it. I know. First world problem. 

Friday, June 12, 2015

Praying for Lyon

This week I was in Lyon for a conference. My friend Tim, who is leading our church plant team that will launch to Lyon this summer, was also at the same conference. Since the conference was all about church planting, our colleagues gathered around us right there in the heart of the city and prayed for us and for Vieux Lyon, the neighborhood where we will plant.


We were blessed and encouraged by their love, support, and camaraderie. A Polish couple who just happed to pass by, stoppped by and joined in the prayer, as they were believers themselves. Then we dispersed into the city to pray and bless the community.


Here I am praying for a woman who was working as a living statue near the cathedral square. We had seen her earlier, and all of us noticed a tiny tear slide down her cheek. So we asked if we could pray for her and she was quite open. I also asked her if there was anything that she needed, any need we could meet for her. But she said no. 


I stayed over after the conference to look for an apartment, and I think I may have found one! Pray that our application will be accepted if it is, indeed, the place God wants us. We're moving from 200 square meters to 87 square meters. So pray for wisdom as we try to discern how to simplify and scale back! 

And in case you didn't see on FaceBook--Chandler just found out that he got accepted to the medical school in Lyon, so he'll be moving to Lyon with us. Rumor has it this is one of the best (if not THE best) medical schools in France.

Friday, May 29, 2015

The Bleeding Woman

*This is the transcript of my teaching for the LifeSprings Retreat, based on Mark 5: 21-34*

Twelve. Years. The woman in this story had suffered for twelve years. I want you to think about where you were and what you were doing twelve years ago. That would have been the Spring of 2003. Now imagine that since that time you had been suffering from a uterine hemorrhage. Not just once a month, but every single day. The gravity of the situation actually doesn’t translate well into our context, because while this would have been a grave physical condition (can you imagine the anemia?) it would have also been a socially isolating condition. 

A bleeding woman was an unclean woman, and unclean women could not leave their houses and they could not be touched. Imagine not being touched for 12 years. Not one hug, not one pat on the back, not one handshake, not a simple kiss on the cheek. Children die from such neglect. And then no hope of marriage or children. No chance of those desires being fulfilled because the bleeding would have made them impossible.

But that still does not give us the full picture. Imagine twelve years of failed medical treatments, treatments that are described in some ancient Jewish history books—and let me assure you, they were invasive and humiliating. Twelve years. Mark says she “suffered a great deal under the care of many doctors.” The treatments did not ease her suffering, in fact they made it worse.

And there’s more. These ineffective treatments were expensive, and in hopes of being healed, this woman had spent herself into utter poverty. She invested every penny in these treatments, to the point where she had nothing left.

The woman in our story was desperate. She was suffering physically, emotionally, mentally, financially. She was at the end of her rope.

There are some in this room that are thinking, “Yes. That’s me. I’m at the end of my rope. And I have nothing left to give.” There are others who are thinking, “Sounds awful. But I can’t even imagine it. My life is pretty good.” Listen to me carefully, and hear my heart, whichever person you are. We are all every bit as desperate as the woman in this story. The only difference is whether or not we are aware of the desperateness of our own condition.

In the book of Revelation Jesus addresses the 7 churches, and to the church in Laodicea he says, “You say ‘I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing!’ But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind, and naked. I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes so you can see.”

Jesus says to this church—not unbelievers outside of the church—believers insider of the church! This church which, by the way was in a city known for, get this, financial wealth, an extensive textile business, and a famous eye salve. Jesus tells those who have put their confidence in earthly riches, clothing, and medical resources, that they are poor, naked, and blind, and that to have the things which they really need, they must come to Jesus. He is the only source of true wealth, the only one who can take away our shame, and the only source of healing. And the problem with the church at Laodicea is that they didn’t think they had a problem.

Those of us who say, “I do not need a thing” are perhaps the neediest of all. Because we do not know or we fail to acknowledge the depth of our own need. And so we push through on our own strength, believing in our own abilities, blind to the reality of how desperate we really are. Friends, we’re bleeding to death, every one of us. We are broken in every way, and we cannot save ourselves.

Sometimes, when we get glimpses of our weakness, hints of our own depravity, we seek solutions that leave us worse off than before. Like the many doctors the bleeding woman went to visit, we, too, will spend everything we have in hopes of being healed, only to be more wounded. Some go to the doctor of achievement, thinking that working hard and accomplishing great things will remove our shame and give us meaning. Some go to the doctor of drugs, soothing our pain with chemicals so that we can make it one more day. Some go to the doctor of complaining, whining and pouting about how hard we have it, begging for sympathy to validate our suffering. Some go to the doctor of self-righteousness, believing that being good and living purely will earn us the right to be healed. And while we know that Jesus has saved us from our sins, we keep seeking out other means to be healed from our brokenness, all the while denying that we are, indeed, broken.

And so in reading this passage, I think that the first step in connecting to God’s power is coming to terms with our own powerlessness. Can we get to the place where we admit that we are not rich? Indeed, do you agree with Jesus’ assessment—you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind, and naked?

The woman in our story knew she was desperate. She had heard talk of a man named Jesus, perhaps she had heard how he had healed people in other towns. And so with whatever hope she had, faith perhaps as small as a mustard seed, she headed out into the city. Throngs of people were crowding around Jesus, and Jesus himself was, at that moment, a man on a mission. An important mission! He had been called to the home of one of the synagogue rulers to heal the daughter of Jairus. It wasn’t like Jesus was hanging around with nothing to do. He and his disciples are walking with a purpose, but the woman in our story was determined. She shoves her way through the crowd, thinking “If I just touch his clothes, I will be healed.”

Up until this point in the Gospels, Jesus had performed miracles with his words. He healed the paralytic, calmed the sea, and cast out demons with a spoken command. Jairus asks for Jesus to come and touch his daughter, so there is indication that that Jesus was also known to heal by touch. But this woman—she doesn’t want to be seen, she just wants to be healed. She doesn’t ask for a word or a touch from Jesus. Instead she says to herself, “If I could just touch his clothes….”

Not only is the woman aware of the depths of her desperateness, she is also aware of the heights of Jesus power. Twelve years of constant suffering, and she has a faith that compels her to simply reach out and touch his cloak, just the edge of his cloak! And so she risks public humiliation, she uses up the very last vestiges of her physical strength, she musters all the bits of her shattered faith, and she stretches out her hand to touch his cloak. She does it because she knows that he is her only hope.

The bleeding woman grasps for Jesus. 

What are you grasping for? Because we are all grasping for something. 

Where will you spend the last bits of your energy, your time, and your faith? Do you run to FaceBook to see if anyone “likes” your status? Do you fish for complements from your husband? Do you look for approval from your colleagues? Do you run to your bank to see if anyone has made a donation to your account? Do you reach out after comfort foods, do you lose yourself in novels, do you go for a run? Do you call a friend? Do you watch a movie? Do you check your email? What are your grasping for? And can it really give you what you need? Do any of these things have the power to heal you?

Or do you reach out for Jesus? Will you do whatever it takes to find him, to see him, to reach out and touch him? Do you believe that a brush with the Savior can change the direction of your life? Or do you think that while Jesus is a nice guy and that his work on the cross was nifty, he really doesn’t have much to offer you in the here and now? Do you sit in your pools of blood and watch him pass you by because you know he has more important things to do, and you just don’t think that making a spectacle of yourself is worth the effort?

If the first step in connecting to God’s power is recognizing our own powerlessness, perhaps the second step is grasping for Jesus. If a touch of his cloak can fully heal the effects of a 12-year disease, what is possible by in the indwelling of his very Spirit? Do you get it? The Bible tells us that the same power that raised Jesus from the dead is available to you and me. And we say we believe it. And then we live powerless lives.

You see the bleeding woman did not sit in her house, close her eyes real tight, and say, “I believe.” She acted on her belief. She took her faith to the streets. Perhaps this is why we are constantly reminded that faith without works is dead. I’m betting that if she had simply sat at home with her faith, she would not have been healed. Nor could she have sent a friend. How often do we ask a friend to pray for us, when we ourselves haven’t even talked to Jesus about our situation?

On the other hand, the key is not simply faith in action, but the object of our faith.

When she touched the edge of his cloak, she was healed. The power of Jesus healed her, and Jesus felt the power leave him, and he sought her out. He asks, “Who touched me?” and the disciples look at him like he’s crazy because the crowd was all around him and people were pressing against him in every direction. In other words, everyone was touching him. Everyone was touching him, but only one received his power. One touch was different. It was a touch of faith.

So finally the woman reveals herself and tells her story. The whole truth. And then Jesus calls her, “daughter.” This is the only time recorded in scripture where Jesus calls a person, “daughter.” It is a tender moment, filled with compassion for her truth. Jesus, stops in the midst of his important errand to help the dearly-loved daughter of an important religious leader to comfort and to bless a nameless woman, and he calls her daughter, as if to say, “You, too, are dearly loved.” 

Then he tells her about what she just experienced. You see, he wants to make sure that she understands what has just happened. He doesn’t want anyone starting to believe crazy things like that his cloak was magic. He wants her to know that her faith in action is what gave her access to his power. And that was why she was healed.

The Christian faith is full of paradoxes, and this is just one of them. We are completely dependent on the power of Christ AND we are called to seek him out with all of our strength.

In his book Conversations, Brian Rice writes about this paradox. He writes, and I quote, “The Christian life always involves the dynamic tension of God’s gracious activity in your life that empowers and enables you with resources, gifts, and energy you do not possess on your own, AND, your personal responsibility to do everything that God has commanded you to do.”

Apart from Jesus we can do nothing, he is the one with the power. We can’t control his power, steal his power, earn his power, manipulate his power, or demand his power. But we can access his power. We access his power when, recognizing our own desperate condition, we put whatever measure of faith that we have into action and grasp for Jesus.

This, my friends, is how I have come to understand spiritual disciplines. For years I saw spiritual disciplines as daily to-dos. Boxes I needed to check off. Tasks that I “should” accomplish to be right with God. I even had the wrong idea that if I practiced spiritual disciplines, it was like putting money in a vending machine. Put in the right combination of change and goodies would pop out. So I did my “duty.”

But now I know that spiritual disciplines are not chores. The bleeding woman did not venture out into the crowds because she was obligated. She was not trying to impress Jesus. She just wanted to be healed and whole, and she had finally realized that Jesus was the only source for true healing and wholeness. So she gave everything she had left to connect to him.

Spiritual disciplines are our means of grasping at the cloak of Jesus so that we can be healed. They’re hard, but we don’t do them to earn goodies or to achieve some level of righteousness on our own. We do them because we know that we are desperate and that these disciplines will bring us into contact with the healer. They’re hard, but not too hard for those who are desperate.

After the break, we are going to get practical. We’re going to move into “how to” mode by exploring the idea of a Rule of Life, which is a way of engaging in spiritual disciplines that encompasses all of who we are. But as we begin to look at practical application, I want us to keep in mind the image of the bleeding woman reaching for the cloak of Jesus. Be moved to action by your faith in the goodness and grace of Jesus and your desire to be whole in every way. Do not be moved to action by a faith in your own abilities or a desire to look good in every way. The bleeding woman did not grasp to win the approval and applause of others. She was not looking to impress anyone. She would have preferred to be invisible. This is how we engage in spiritual disciplines. We don’t do them publically, and if done well, no one will know that we are doing them. No one will know, except that you will be changed by the process. Healed. Whole.

Before the break, I want to give you a few moments to reflect on your own desperateness.

Where are you feeling weary and discouraged?
How are you poor?
What is broken in you and desperately in need of healing?
Where are you isolated and alone?
How are you wounded?
What have you suffered?

And what are you grasping for?
 
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