Wrestling With Wretchedness

God warned Cain.

God saw what was in Cain's heart, and he sounded the alarm.

"...sin is crouching at the door; and its desire is for you, but you must master it."

Photo Credit: Jordan Egli Photography

It seems that while the serpent had to talk Eve into sinning, God himself couldn't talk Cain out of sinning. 

That thought sobers me. 

I've just begun a book/study that consists of 42 lessons on sin. Not "sin" in a generic sense. MY sin. In fact, on Saturday I was instructed to do a whole life review of my sin.  That's looking at 43 years of depravity, folks. It was no cake walk.

But neither was it depressing. It was intense. It was raw. I grieved. I cried. 

The point of the exercise was not to wallow in shame or unearth pain. I wasn't being encouraged to carry guilt for that which has long been forgiven. The point of the exercise was to recognize the length and the breadth and the width and the depth of my own sin nature so that I might rightly appreciate what it means to be pardoned and loved and by a perfect God. 

I was also looking for patterns and trends. Because sin is still crouching at my door, so I best learn to recognize it. 

In fact, within a few hours of completing that exercise, within a few hours of wrestling with my own wretchedness, I had already sinned again. And again. And again.

I don't have to be talked into sinning. I, like Cain, need the Living Word to talk me out of it. 

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