Selah

This weekend we actively pursued Selah. At a spa.

We did not take a vacation in 2015. Not one. Not even a weekend away. We failed in our scheduling and in our budgeting, and we have only ourselves to blame. We worked 60 hours a week, and we ended the year tired, hopeless, and a tiny bit grumpy.

And so, as I feel called to a year of Selah, to a period of slowing down and reflecting, David and I decided that rather than simply hoping vacations would happen in 2016, we would take a proactive stance where rest was concerned.

Our Christmas gift to each other was a three-day weekend at a spa in the resort city of Annecy, complete with massage treatments and some of our favorite meals. We also committed to spending the time away working on our 2016 family budget and putting vacation dates down on the calendar for the rest of year. We had deep and important spiritual conversations, and time to reconnect relationally in much needed ways.

We accomplished all that we set out to accomplish, and came home today refreshed and ready for the days and weeks ahead. We have a family vacation scheduled for this summer. And another weekend getaway planned for November. We have a tricky Spring, as all of us have different Spring Breaks; however, we are committed to finding a weekend of rest that will work for all us this Spring as well. The budget has been adapted to account for these vacations.

And I am grateful. Rest is a gift, but one I often miss. In 2016, I'm not gonna miss it.

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Selah

 For thus the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel, has said,

“In repentance and rest you will be saved,

In quietness and trust is your strength.”

But you were not willing..."

Isaiah 30: 15

Selah

Repentance: noun

1. deep sorrow, compunction, or contrition for a past sin, wrongdoing, or the like










  

Selah

I've been taught that repentance, in biblical texts, means to turn 180°. It probably does. But while I am quick to turn, always eager to get back on track when I've gone astray, I don't spend too much time in deep sorrow, compunction, or contrition over my sin. Evangelicals don't encourage such things. We're more focused on "moving forward." In fact, I think we (okay, I) might even equate compunction and contrition with "wallowing in sin." 

"You're forgiven, already! Get over it."

For my class in Missional Leadership, I read a book called A Failure of Nerve. It was a great book, where the author analyzed  the root causes of leadership failures. One such cause is the need/desire/impulse to rush to a solution. Because I don't like the messiness of problems, I will often opt for a quick, albeit less-desireable, outcome rather than wait for the highest and best.  

Is my rush to forgiveness and redemption actually limiting the quality of both? Might I experience a deeper forgiveness and a more complete redemption if I allowed repentance to do its work?

I like the idea of Selah in comfortable a cozy places. But will I learn to pause for reflection in the uncomfortable, even painful places? Can this, too, be a part of Selah?  

Lord, teach me to grieve my sin. Help me to feel the weight of it. Let me see your sorrow over it. I don't want to lightly gloss over misspoken words, wayward thoughts, selfish behaviors, and nasty attitudes. I don't want to overlook my pride. I don't want to cherish my self-righteousness. I don't want to ignore my carelessness. I want to discover true repentance, that I might more fully know your grace. Make me willing. 

Note: I plan to meditate on this verse all year. This is my  Selah passage--so there will be more to come from Isaiah 30:15. Much, much more.

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Selah: My word for 2016

I live life at a pretty fast clip. And I like it like that.

I was made to run hard and fast--I am a high energy (read: driven), high capacity (read: achiever) person who likes to have a full agenda and fall into bed dead tired every single night. This is my M.O. This is my norm. And mostly, it works for me.

But as 2015 drew to a close, I found myself longing for...less. A strange longing for a glutton like myself. And so I began a conversation with the Lord about this desire. Am I getting soft? Lazy? Old? Complacent? Or am I, maybe, looking to match my stride to His? Am I maturing to the place where I care more about the direction of my steps than their number or pace? Might I be heeding a call I've long ignored?

Photo Credit: Luc !

I do have some healthy patterns in place when it comes to rest. Each week, I enter into a day of Sabbath with the same enthusiasm that I give to my work. I have learned the unforced rhythms of grace when it comes to Sabbath. But I have a long way to go when it comes to weaving rest into the way that I work. That is to say, I trust too much in me, and not enough in Jesus. And so I sense a call to learn to live in that place of rest. To push the "pause" button more and more often so that I allow dependency to be my new M.O. My default has been to run ahead...I want to recalibrate to a new default. A default of Selah.

Photo Credit: Luc !

Selah is a Hebrew word found in the Psalms, though it is not a part of the Psalms. It is a direction, helping readers know how to read the Psalm. It means, "pause for reflection." In other words, Selah says, "You just read something profound! Don't just breeze through it! Stop and think about that for a minute. Take it in. Savor it. Linger there."

I think my days are full of unappreciated God-moments. Beauty missed because of busyness. God is calling me to a year (a life?) of Selah.

Photo Credit: Luc !

Selah is my word for 2016. I want to be intentional over the next year to practice Selah, and I think that it will involve:

Stillness--choosing to STOP moving for a few moments each day. To be still and know the He is God.
Expectation--believing that God has something He wants me to notice, and looking for it.
Listening--allowing quiet spaces and silence so that I might hear from God and others.
Attentiveness--observing the world around me with care and interest.
Hope--anticipating a new experience of God's goodness.

Now to put the practical pieces out there--this is where the rubber meets the road. These are the specifics to which I want to be accountable:

1. I want to implement a daily examen--a time each evening before bed when I will take 10-15 minutes to reflect on the day. This is something I have wanted to do for years, but have never implemented. I believe now is the time.
2. I will use my blog as a means of recording what God is showing me through my attempt to live into restfulness. Each week, there will be a "Selah" post. It might be wordless. 
3. We did not take a single vacation in 2015. We did not spend enough time together as a family. We are going to put a family vacation for 2016 on the calandar (and in the budget) by the end of January. 
4. Furlough: we have been on the field for over 5 years and we have not yet had a furlough. This is a HUGE faith issue for me! It is so hard to leave on-going ministries and it feels like a major interruption to life and projects! But both David and I feel like we want and need to take some time to reconnect with our base, to see our loved ones in the States, and to take a break. I don't yet know how or when, but we sense that God is asking us to take a short (three month?) "Selah" from ministry in 2016. We hope to begin planning this time soon. Pray that we will find the right time and place for this "pause."

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The Work of the Sabbath

Life is full. I resist using the word "busy" because it has too many negative connotations. I delight in and gladly welcome the wealth of opportunities that are before me at the moment. Yet. Yet, I am at risk of being overtaken, overwhelmed, overcome.

The To-Do list is long and growing while deadlines are fast approaching. I'm beginning to worry that I won't get it all done in time. I'm starting to fear that I won't do it well. And so I woke up this morning tempted to do something that I almost never do: work on my Sabbath.

You see, in crunch time, I start to think that if I put in a few extra hours on my day off, I'll be doing myself a favor. I'll be taking the edge off of the teetering pile of tasks so that life will just be a bit more manageable come tomorrow. After all, who can even relax while being haunted by waiting work?

Some days sabbath is easy--a welcome respite. But some days sabbath is hard. It is an act of outright defiance againt my sin nature--a refusal to believe the lie that my life work is more important than my life.

Sabbath is a brazen act of faith that screams, "NO!" to the spirit of self-importance. Sabbath is a peaceful protest against the tyrrany of the urgent. Sabbath is trust in action through intentional inaction. It is not a luxury for the lazy, but God-ordained time-out for the workaholic.

It goes against every fiber of human reason, stands in opposition to prinicipals of productivity, and defies the laws of time management. But Sabbath is probably the most fruitful weekly endeavor one can pursue.

And so today I will rest.

I will not work on PowerPoint presentations for tomorrow''s sermons in French and in English.

I will not write the final message for my speaking engagement at a retreat next weekend.

I will not download the conference materials for the European Leadership Forum that is just around the corner.

I will not work on the meditations for the Learning Community in the first week of June.

I will not read books for school, or write responses to emails, or compose a newsletter.

I will not bathe the dog or change my sheets, though both have been long neglected.

Instead, I will set all of those things aside, trusting them into the capable hands of a God who never slumbers nor sleeps. I will struggle to rest so that I can endure the rest of the struggle. And by my rest I declare to my soul, "You are NOT in charge! Sit still, be quiet, and breathe. The LORD of the Sabbath is near, behold him, adore him, receive him. There is no greater work than this."

Instead of working on the Sabbath, I will let the Sabbath work on me.

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The Rhythm of His Rest

The more I engage in the work of God's kingdom, the more I am learning to abandon my agenda and embrace the rhythm of His rest.

MY agenda is focused on goals, benchmarks, and achievements. I don't like wasted time! I want to see progress!  I plan, I work, I strive. Tasks reign supreme.

HIS rhythm is focused on relationships, daily disciplines, and small private victories. He redeems time. He transforms people. He engages, He empowers, He inspires. He reigns supreme.

MY agenda leads to busy-ness and fatigue; HIS rhythm leads to redemption and peace.

MY agenda seeks accomplishments; HIS rhythm brings satisfaction.

MY agenda is performance-based and glorifies self; HIS rhythm is grace-based and glorifies the Father.

My agenda screams and clamors for attention; His rhythm remains steady and sure, like a heartbeat. And when I abandon my agenda, I find the rhythm of His rest.

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