40 Things I Love about My Forties!

Today is my 45th Birthday. I like my age, and I'm glad for every one of the 45 years I've lived. They'll be no whining about the fact that reading glasses are now a required accessory or that I can't pack away the ice cream like I used to. I love the changing seasons of life, each one bringing new hopes and dreams into focus. 

So as I hit the half-way mark through my forties, I thought I'd list 40 things I love about my forties--so far. Ready?

Thus far, in my forties...

1. I learned to speak French!
2. I fell in love with comté, vouvray, and fois gras.
3. I saw both my boys graduate from high school.
4. I learned to knit.
5. I became a "grand voyageur" according to SNCF, the French rail system.
6. I started seminary.
7. I tried to write a book, and failed, but didn't regret trying!
8. I went to Spain, Austria, Ireland, Italy, Croatia, and Greece for the first time.
9. I started learning calligraphy.
10. I went through a "dark night of the soul" and lived to tell about it.
11. I came to terms with my apostolic and prophetic gifting, and gave up trying to fit into the "good Christian woman" box.
12. I made the switch to an iPhone and did not lose my soul.
13. I fell more and more and more in love with David.
14. I got a Dutch God-daughter!
15. I learned to love community prayer. I learned to need community prayer.
16. I changed my view about the role of women in the church.
17. I stopped driving (except when I'm in the States) and learned to rely on public transportation.
18. I stopped buying clothes that are "Made in China." I started buying Fair Trade Coffee.
19. I discovered Ignatius' Spiritual Exercises--and did them. And keep doing them.
20. I learned to practice the discipline of Silence. Every. Single. Day.
21. I became a "third culture" person. No longer fully American, yet never fully French.
22. I kept running, even though I would have liked to have quit.
23. I stopped eating or drinking anything with artificial sweeteners and greatly reduced my sugar intake at the same time.
24. I became a church planter.
25. I marveled at the wisdom of my young adult children. 
26. I found that I love to read memoirs.
27. I learned to wear scarves. And boots. And even bikinis.
28. I made amazing friends at George Fox Evangelical seminary--Shout out to Cohort 14!
29. I have a deepening appreciation of God's work in my life.
30. I participated in the Leighton Ford Mentoring Community, which ministered to me in deep and healing ways.
31. I skied in the Alps. Lots of times.
32. I learned to make Tartiflette. Yum-o!
33. I started putting honey in my tea.
34. I lost a house, and realized, in the end, I didn't need a house anyway.
35. I discovered the band Of Monsters and Men (Thanks, Graham!)
36. I preached a lot. In French. But I also learned that I don't need to preach. My identity is no longer tied to my gifts.
37. I crocheted an Angry Birds hat and a stuffed Hobbes (from Calvin and Hobbes). Those are my favorite things I've ever made!
38. I  reached the expert level of Hot Shots Golf on the Play Station (Thanks, Chan!)
39. I finally read Richard Foster's classic book on Prayer and regretted waiting so long to read it.
40. I am less and less sure of me, and more and more sure of Jesus.

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Selah: My word for 2016

I live life at a pretty fast clip. And I like it like that.

I was made to run hard and fast--I am a high energy (read: driven), high capacity (read: achiever) person who likes to have a full agenda and fall into bed dead tired every single night. This is my M.O. This is my norm. And mostly, it works for me.

But as 2015 drew to a close, I found myself longing for...less. A strange longing for a glutton like myself. And so I began a conversation with the Lord about this desire. Am I getting soft? Lazy? Old? Complacent? Or am I, maybe, looking to match my stride to His? Am I maturing to the place where I care more about the direction of my steps than their number or pace? Might I be heeding a call I've long ignored?

Photo Credit: Luc !

I do have some healthy patterns in place when it comes to rest. Each week, I enter into a day of Sabbath with the same enthusiasm that I give to my work. I have learned the unforced rhythms of grace when it comes to Sabbath. But I have a long way to go when it comes to weaving rest into the way that I work. That is to say, I trust too much in me, and not enough in Jesus. And so I sense a call to learn to live in that place of rest. To push the "pause" button more and more often so that I allow dependency to be my new M.O. My default has been to run ahead...I want to recalibrate to a new default. A default of Selah.

Photo Credit: Luc !

Selah is a Hebrew word found in the Psalms, though it is not a part of the Psalms. It is a direction, helping readers know how to read the Psalm. It means, "pause for reflection." In other words, Selah says, "You just read something profound! Don't just breeze through it! Stop and think about that for a minute. Take it in. Savor it. Linger there."

I think my days are full of unappreciated God-moments. Beauty missed because of busyness. God is calling me to a year (a life?) of Selah.

Photo Credit: Luc !

Selah is my word for 2016. I want to be intentional over the next year to practice Selah, and I think that it will involve:

Stillness--choosing to STOP moving for a few moments each day. To be still and know the He is God.
Expectation--believing that God has something He wants me to notice, and looking for it.
Listening--allowing quiet spaces and silence so that I might hear from God and others.
Attentiveness--observing the world around me with care and interest.
Hope--anticipating a new experience of God's goodness.

Now to put the practical pieces out there--this is where the rubber meets the road. These are the specifics to which I want to be accountable:

1. I want to implement a daily examen--a time each evening before bed when I will take 10-15 minutes to reflect on the day. This is something I have wanted to do for years, but have never implemented. I believe now is the time.
2. I will use my blog as a means of recording what God is showing me through my attempt to live into restfulness. Each week, there will be a "Selah" post. It might be wordless. 
3. We did not take a single vacation in 2015. We did not spend enough time together as a family. We are going to put a family vacation for 2016 on the calandar (and in the budget) by the end of January. 
4. Furlough: we have been on the field for over 5 years and we have not yet had a furlough. This is a HUGE faith issue for me! It is so hard to leave on-going ministries and it feels like a major interruption to life and projects! But both David and I feel like we want and need to take some time to reconnect with our base, to see our loved ones in the States, and to take a break. I don't yet know how or when, but we sense that God is asking us to take a short (three month?) "Selah" from ministry in 2016. We hope to begin planning this time soon. Pray that we will find the right time and place for this "pause."

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Beautiful

I had just spent a lovely afternoon with my friend and after praying together, I walked her to the metro to catch her train back home. As we stood outside the station saying our goodbyes, an older, obviously inebriated man stumbled over to us.

Parenthetically: I DO live in the middle of a pretty big city. I have regular encounters with addicts, homeless people, and beggars. Earlier that same afternoon my friend and I had given a few bucks to a young, injured musician. He was from eastern Europe, didn't speak any French, only a little English, and he told us that because of his broken arm he was unable to play his guitar, which is why he was begging on the street. He simply said, "I have two choices, steal or beg, and I'm not a thief." I wished I could've taken the poor guy home with me, but I knew that wasn't the answer. So we each gave him a little spare change, hoping it would at least add up to a warm meal. I'm just telling you this so that you know that while I clearly can't meet every need I see on the street, I try to stay open to the possibility that God might be leading me to help some from time to time.

But when the older drunk guy headed for us, I inwardly rolled my eyes. I was trying to savor my last few minutes with a friend, I didn't want to be interrupted, and I had no more loose change on me. I avoided making eye contact and hoped he would stagger in a different direction.

He didn't.

He came right up into our personal space, such that both my friend and I instinctively took a subtle half-step backwards as we inhaled the scent of stale beer. "What does he want?" I thought, annoyed. He simply looked at us and said, "Vous êtes belles." You're beautiful. I was suspicious of his motives, but my friend smiled sweetly and said, "Merci !" Thank you. And he walked away.

My friend parted, and I quickly forgot the whole encounter. Two hours later David and I headed to evening prayer. Our pastor was there with his wife and two young children. We shared about our days and thanked God for the ways and places that we had seen His hand at work among us. I mentioned my time with my friend. I didn't mention the drunk guy.

After praying, David and I got up to leave. But I was stopped by Alicia, our pastor's 4-old daughter who ran up to me and hugged my knees. I stroked her hair and looked into her eyes. Then she reached up towards me and I instinctively bowed down. She gently stroked my face twice and said, "Tu es belle." You're beautiful.

It was the second time in the span of a few hours that I had heard those words, and the coincidence did not escape my notice.

Only my response to the two encounters was completely different. I felt invaded by one, but envelopped by the other. I stepped away from one, but moved toward the other. I was deeply suspicious of one, but fully trusting of the other. I was annoyed by one interruption, but charmed by the other. And yet, in the end, neither needed or wanted anything from me. Both the old man and the young child offered blessing. One came in a package I rejected, the other in a package I received.

It makes me think of how often Jesus welcomed the love of the unlovely. Both outcasts and small children were invited into his personal space. He never took a half-step back. Jesus moves towards.

I want to be like him.

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It might just be...

...my favorite kitchen ever.

It's quirky and bright and I absolutely love it !

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Loving Lyon

After traveling to Germany for our GEM Annual Conference...

and spending a couple of days in Paris so that our friend, Selah, could take in all the sights...

and hopping the pond to Lynchburg, VA to help Graham settle in at Liberty University...

I finally arrived home in Lyon.

David and Chandler had managed the move in my absence, so I have the joy of simply settling in without having had the hassle of any heavy lifting. It's good to be the queen.

Still, settling is a work in progress. We don't yet have Internet hooked up, and our kitchen looks like this:

In France (and I believe in other parts of Europe) it is common to find that apartments do not always have what is called an "equipped kitchen." Our apartment did not come with an equipped kitchen, meaning we needed to supply not only all of the appliances (which we own, so no problem), but the kitchen cabinets as well (which we don't own). I'm pretty sure this is why IKEA exists. So we've ordered our cabinets, and they are scheduled to be delivered Monday morning, at which time David and friends will begin the task of installing our kitchen. And then cooking will be fun once again. Don't worry...I'll post pictures as soon as I can.

In the meantime, we are adapting (quite happily) to life in the heart of Old Lyon. We live above a restaurant, which means that the night life is active. Here is the view looking down from our bedroom window at 11 p.m. any night:

 And we often have the joy of hearing musicians performing live in the square. The style and duration of performances is greatly varied, but always pleasant. You'll notice that Gemma likes to sing along.

Jack, being an indoor cat, is right at home in our new digs. Gemma is learning to be a city dog. She lets us know when she needs to go out and do her business and she seems happy to walk the streets and bridges of Lyon. If she misses having a yard, she's not complaining about it. And I kind of like having to take her out several times a day, as it gives me a good excuse to stretch my legs and get some fresh air.

Once we're fully settled, with a kitchen and all, I'll give you a video tour. Our new apartment is only 96 square meters, which is about 1000 square feet. While it's less than half the size of our house in Loches, it might be my very favorite place I've ever lived. It's quirky and old and charming and well-situated. We live in a pedestrian zone and can walk or take public transportation just about anywhere we need to go. 

Yes. Life in Lyon is good. Very good.

Meanwhile, we're still looking for a location to rent for the church. Please join us in praying about this. We are already starting our morning and evening prayer routine as a team, but we're doing it it our homes for the time being.

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Tying Shoes

Thirteen years ago I was in a state of panic!

It was the summer before Graham would start his academic career, and his school had sent out a list entitled "Kindergarted Readiness" that outlined the essential developmental benchmarks for students entering kindergarten. Graham could do almost everything on the list--he could count to 100 (or more!), he could recognize all the letters in the alphabet, he could write his own name, he could remember and execute three-part instructions.

But he could not tie his shoes.

And shoe-tying was on the list. I just knew that I had somehow failed as a parent because my five-year old could not tie his shoes. I was fairly sure that it was not due to a lack of manual dexterity, he could make Lego models that were meant for 10-12 year olds. I was fairly sure that is was not due to a lack of intelligence, because at 5, Graham not only recognized the letters of the alphabet, he could read simple chapter books. And darn if it was wasn't due to lack of instruction! I had been trying to teach him to tie his own shoes for six months. The boy just wasn't interested.

Graham and Kayla, the delightful young woman that he is courting.

He was happy for me to tie his shoes. He let the eager-to-mother-anyone little girls in his preschool class tie his shoes. Actually, I think even his younger brother would tie his shoes.

But there on the official "Kindergarten Readiness" list was the dreaded and lacking criteria: Tie Shoes.

And so I worried, and redoubled my efforts. I probably bribed, and threatened, and belittled, and chided. But when the first day of school arrived, Graham still could not tie his shoes. So I did what any over-achieving mother on the verge of facing failure would do. I gave up and bought slip-ons, secretly fearing that my son would one day graduate from high school still not knowing how to tie his shoes.

Graham and Kayla sipping cider in Warsaw

Fast forward thirteen years.

Yesterday, as Graham completed the very last of his on-line High School courses,  I was in town trying to buy him some shoes. He only wears one style: Converse Laceless Slip-ons. To tell you the truth, I can't remember him ever owning a pair of shoes that he had to tie. And in that moment I realized two things:

1. It is possible that my son is graduating from High School not knowing how to tie his shoes.
2. I don't care!

You see, something that I feared when he was five may have actually come true, only for me to realize that it was a stupid fear in the first place. So many wise mentors told me not to sweat the small stuff, but the problem was, as a young mom, I had a hard time figuring out what the "small stuff" was.

So I panicked about things like whether the chosen shirt went with the chosen pants, or how many brussels sprouts each child consumed, or whether we had purchased exactly the right folders on the school supply list. I fretted when he went on a field trip to the roller rink because my son had never been on skates before. I wondered how to know if he no longer needed swiming lessons. I felt devasted when he was reprimanded for wearing BLACK-soled shoes on gym days! What kind of a delinquent mother was I? And I just KNEW that a lunch box left at school over the weekend would be mold-covered and contaminated beyond repair by Monday.

But now, as I look back over the school years, now I get it. Tying shoes--and ALL that other stuff--is small stuff. So are standardized test scores, hair length, clothing labels, clean rooms, bed times, adolescent facial hair, and food preferences.

Being sweet.

On the other hand, my scruffy long-haired boy who hates shoelaces has the big stuff just right.

He starts each day in God's Word--not because we require it, but because he chooses it. He is compassionate and kind and eager to serve anyone who has need. He can play a guitar so beautifully it brings tears to my eyes. He's the kind of guy who gets 100% on his English final, and never announces it. He honors his parents, he challenges weak thinking, and he works diligently, no matter the task.

So to all you mothers out there stressing over school supply lists, developmental benchmarks, and swimming lessons, I declare to you this happy news: They don't matter. Be free. Enjoy your summer.

And just to be on the safe side, don't buy black-soled shoes.

Note the laceless Converse.

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Ten Totally Trivial Tidbits

1. I have been having some weird dreams. WEIRD! And normally I don't remember my dreams, but these ones have been sticking with me like a stamp to a letter. They include me falling off a dam that was spilling contaminated water, getting overwhelmed in a mini-mart when there were only two things on my shopping list, and taking a shower in a stall so tiny that the shower curtain was clinging to my fully-clothed (but not wet) body. Any dream-analysis-specialists want to tackle those images? The good news? Dreaming = Sleeping.
2. The animals still have fleas, but I think they have fewer fleas than they used to. Either that, or I'm no longer noticing them as much. Should I be happy about that?
3. Chandler just got his grades for the second trimester and he is NUMERO UNO in his class. While he has the highest overall average, his Spanish grade is not so bueno. Fortunately, High School level classes in France are weighted based on one's major. Since Chandler is working towards a Science major, his math and science classes have a coefficient of 6 or 7, while classes like Spanish and PE have a coefficient of 2. Thus, he can basically flunk Spanish and stay in first place for his overall average. On the bright side, he's not only acing Math and Science, but English and PE as well!
4. David invented a recipe that consists of meatballs on a nest of green beans drizzled in a soy-ginger sauce. It's De-Lish! He's been trying to come up with a clever name for it, but so far he is striking out. Any help?
5. In all of my crazy dreams, I do NOT need reading glasses. Which is one thing I really like about my dreams because, sadly, this is no longer my reality. 
6. I'm preaching this week on the book of Judges, talking about the cycle that is repeated at least 8 times in that old testament book: Idolotry-->Slavery-->Cry out to the Lord-->God sends a deliverer (a judge)-->a few years of peace-->Idolotry, and the cycle repeats. It strikes me that idolatry always leads to slavery. Always. So be careful what you worship.
7. When I reviewed my sermon with my language helper she only found 24 errors. I know that sounds like a lot, but there used to be like a million, so 24 is not so bad. UGH! Actually most of the errors were really teeny-tiny mistakes. But still. I'm just sick of making mistakes in French; Sick. Of. It. So I'm spending an hour day studying French right now, expanding my vocabulary, memorizing which prepositions go with which verbs, and brushing up on definitive articles. Fun stuff.
8. I bought Tulips at market last week, and they make me really happy. Tulips are the heralds of Spring!
9. Read the WOOL series by Hugh Howley. It was a fun bit of science fiction, definitely kept my attention. I am now reading a piece of French contemporary fiction called The Elegance of the Hedgehog. Totally different style of fiction and just as compelling. Dark, cynical, yet funny. I'm only a few chapter in, so I can't recommend it, but I'm enjoying it. I'm also in the middle of a book called The Jesus Model which is by Dietrich Schindler, a German church planter. He presents a church planting model based on what Jesus did. Very good read, and lots of great information for anyone involved in discipleship at any level.
10. I think I need a new cell phone. What's the average shelf-life for a mobile phone? I've had mine for three and a half years, and it mostly works fine, I'm just sick of it. Must I wait for it to die? 

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10 Totally Trivial Tidbits

1. This past week was  packed with training people! David helped to train 4 gifted, bright, passionate young French evangelists in the fine arts of hermeneutics and homelitics. I trained 3 brilliant, inspired, faithful young women to teach our new Sunday School curriculum. Last night, tired but deeply satisfied, David and I shared a long embrace. Wrapped in the arms of my beloved I said, "We live a weird life. Twenty years ago, did you ever imagine that we'd one day be training Christian leaders in France?" He shook his head and added, "In French! We did it in French." Yep. I'm amazed. 
2. I'm really liking purple these days. I bought purple place mats for the dining room, a purple binder for the Sunday School curriculum, and a purple sweater for my fall wardrobe. Strange. Does that make me an old lady?
3. I just finished knitting a scarf for David and I just started knitting a scarf for myself. I am simply giddy about the yarn I found for my scarf! It's not purple. But the ladies in my knitting group, who are eager to see me progress in my knitting abilities said, "You need to knit something besides scarves!" The thing is, I am in the middle of knitting a cardigan as well, but I started to feel a bit overwhelmed by that project, so I'm taking a little break and knitting scarves--with really great (non-purple) yarn.
4. I love my iPad, except for the auto-correct feature. After having several auto-correct mishaps during a recent Facebook chat, I typed, "I hate auto-correct!" But it auto-corrected that to "I hate colorectal!" Now tell me, how do explain that one?
5. I'm reading the most wonderful book right now, called "Une soupe aux herbes sauvages." It's a memoir written by a woman who grew up in rural France during the early 1900s. Man, it was a hard life! Yet, there are moments of joy and tenderness. I'm also reading a religious history of France, a book about an American who renovates a house in France, a book about mentoring, and a book about miracles, healing, and deliverance ministries. Clearly, I am lacking in the fiction realm. Please let me know if you've read any great fiction lately--I'm downright desperate for a good novel! (BTW, David and the boys are still bothered by my tendency to be in the midst of reading several books at once, but I like it! Variety is the spice of life. Do you read just one book at a time?)
6. A friend of mine found canned jalapenos in France, which is, you know, really cool! And rare! Knowing that I'm a big fan, she bought me several cans. They are SO good. But there is an oddity. When I open the can, there is a layer of carrots on top. Yes, there are carrots in the jalapenos. Why?
7. God has been speaking to me lately about compassion. I don't really understand compassion, but the Gospels record numerous instances when Jesus was moved to action because He had compassion. He willingly entered into other people's pain. When I see suffering, I want to run as fast as I can in the other direction--I have no compassion, thus my response to suffering is unloving. But lately God has made it impossible for me to run, and consequently, a tiny spark of compassion has been ignited in my heart. I'd kind of like to snuff it out, but I suspect God has a different plan. A better plan. I'm going to try to trust Him. But between you and me, it's kind of freaking me out.
8. Today we had our first parent-teacher conferences of the school year. According to all of his professors, Chandler is "presque parfait !" Almost perfect. Like I needed them to tell me that. 
9. We leave this afternoon for our annual GEM France conference in the alps. Graham will be leading worship this year, and the rest of  the Williamson family is his back-up band. He's put a great deal of planning into it, and we've had two good rehearsals. Its pretty awesome to watch my boys take the lead in some of this stuff. Awesome and fun. And sometimes hilarious.  Spoiler alert: We may be doing a rendition of "Religious Man" from Nacho Libre. Bring your sombreros! 
10. I did a new Pilates video this week, and let's just say that I am the most uncoordinated human being on the face of the earth. I was literally tied up in knots. On the bright side, I was appropriately sore in all the right places, so I might have done it correctly!

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A Constant Stream of Company

For the first time in about 87 months, we have a week with no guests scheduled to eat or sleep at our house. Now I'm not saying that I don't like visitors. Au contraire. Je les adore ! (I love them!)

Nevertheless, I'm taking full advantage of the break:

I actually left the guest bed UNmade for three whole nights. Just because I could.

I haven't cooked a square meal or set the table all week. (David and Graham are in the States, and Chandler and I are subsisting on three main food groups: Magnum Bars, popcorn and cheese.)

I showered for a full 30 minutes this morning because I wasn't at all worried about saving hot water for anyone else.

I left dishes in the sink over night because I wasn't even close to running out of clean glasses.

During the day I actually stop and listen to the silence in my house. I thank God that I don't have to make conversation with anyone. Even my prayers are wordless.

 On Saturday, I swear, I did not get out of my jammies.

I am SO SO SO blessed by all the wonderful people who have come to visit us.

But I am also blessed by a few quiet days chez Williamson. Thank you, Jesus!

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Eating the Elephant

Ahhh September. With the freshness of a new school-year comes crispy leaves, new soup recipes, and a torrential onslaught of new commitments and activities. I'm either going to drown or learn to surf! How do I determine the best use of my time? Balancing ministry and family can be such a tricky thing!

As I wrestle with my day-planner, struggling to find more hours in the week, I come across this verse:

But the Pharisees and experts in the law (read: Religious Professionals) rejected God's purpose for themselves....Luke 7:30 (parenthetical comment mine)

Which makes me ask, "Can I reject God's purposes?" After all, I believe in the absolute sovereignty of God. But according to this verse, it seems that God, in his sovereignty, allows people to reject his purposes. Religious people rejected his purposes. In the words of the French, "Aie aie aie !"

I want to embrace God's purposes for my life with both arms wide and a big fat kiss. I fear that by not living attentively, I could inadvertently reject them, even as a missionary (read: Religious Professional). How can I be sure to follow the Lord's leading? 

So after a fervent prayer that goes something like this: "Oh dear God, please help me not to blow it!" I set out to make a plan.

Step One: Ask God to reveal my Front Burner Projects

These are the the things that he is bringing to the forefront of my life. The things that weigh heaviest on my heart, or the ministries for which I have the greatest vision, or the opportunities that are time-sensitive. 

Step Two: Ask God to reveal my Back Burner Projects

These are the things that are in my life, but are not at a critical junction. They may require an occasional "stir" or "sprinkle" but they are not top priority. They may be things that will eventually be top priority or that used to be top priority. 

Step Three: Ask God to reveal my Refrigerator Projects

These are things that I need to keep on my radar, things that I believe will one day be on the Front Burner, but things that are not yet critical. They are sometimes longer-term projects, sometimes seasonal projects. They may go in and out of the refrigerator depending on my availability and their urgency.

Once I have a bead on God's priorities for my life, I take it to the practical phase

.

Step Four:  Plan Action Steps

For each Front Burner and Back Burner Project, I assign weekly (or sometimes daily) tasks. If the tasks don't have natural due dates (like a conference), I assign arbitrary ones so that I have a goal to work towards (as I've done with some writing projects). 

Step Five: Evaluate the Plan

I estimate the number of hours per week dedicated to each task. I then add things that are an on-going, regular, essential part of my life, such as quiet times, exercise regime, dates with David, and housekeeping. Is it a balanced plan? Is it realistic? Is it God's purpose on paper?

Step Six: Seek Feedback

First, I ask David to look over my plan. He evaluates it based on everything he knows about me, us, our family, and God. I fine tune based on his feedback. Next I send the list to a ministry partner. My ministry partner also offers helpful feedback and valuable insights. I fine tune again.

Finally, its time to implement. But one step remains...one that is perhaps the most essential.

Step Seven: Hold the Plan in an Open Hand
Proverbs 16:9 The mind of man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps. 
Jesus has dominion over my days, and he can change my plans as he sees fit. Some say, "Why bother planning?" but Seeing as Jesus lives in eternity and know the future, he is quite capable to lead me as I make plans. But he doesn't reveal everything. This way, I walk closely by his side, listening for daily direction.

The Open Hand is essential. The day, and I mean THE DAY I completed my plan and entered everything into my daily planner, two of my plans got changed. Discernment helps me to know when to hold to my plans and when to deviate--this is the daily, step by step leading of the Lord that keeps life exciting.

So, what's your plan?

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iFear

So, did I mention that David won an iPad mini? And that he gave it to me? And that I named it Victoria? And that I've never in my whole life had an iAnything? And that within about 30 minutes I was in love?

Now before all you apple-addicts start pumping your fists and nodding your heads and whispering your "I told you so"s at the screen, hear this: I love it so much it scares me. With the ease and fun and accessibility of such a hand-held electronic device, I fear that I have much to lose.

Like time to think and ponder without alerts, messages, or notifications demanding a response.

Like uninterrupted conversation with David, the real love of my life.

Like quiet and stillness that help me hear the voice of God.

Like dedicated family time, where the soon-to-fly-the-nest young men who still live under my roof know that they are more important than the buzzing inanimate object in my hands or any message it announces.

So I enter the iWorld with great trepidation, already discovering a need to set boundaries. No iPad in the bedroom. No iPad at mealtimes. No multi-tasking during family activities, even if we are just watching a movie.

But the temptations to grab the iPad are more subtle and deceiving than the obvious aforementioned pitfalls. I find that I reach for it when, say, I am waiting for a pot to boil. I think, "Hey, now would be a great time for a game of Bejeweled Blitz!" And suddenly I'm lost in the mindless shifting of virtual gems.

But what did I do last week, or better, ten years ago, in such instances? What did I do in those fifteen-minute moments of nothingness?

Nothing.

I waited. I thought. I day-dreamed. I prayed. I listened. And I was probably calmer, surer, and more grounded for the many moments of nothingness that peppered my days. I'm taking them back!

I refuse to allow the iStuff to fill every bit of breathing space in my life. No, I like technology, and I'd be lying if I didn't tell you that my new daily planner app leaves Franklin-Covey in the dust. But what good is planning if I'm losing my real life to the virtual world?

So today I did something radical. I ironed in silence. No Nora Jones singing, no movie playing, no e-books reading.

Just silence.

And I liked it. 

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New Creation

It seems to happen every September.

A little dark cloud moves into my world and settles itself over my heart. My mood dips. My attitude falters. My hope diminishes. My joy evaporates. My perspective changes.

I am lost.

And then the accuser comes:

"You wretched thing! How can you be so ungrateful? Didn't you just have a lovely vacation? You should be rested and happy!"

"You lousy missionary! You should be full of the Lord, daily proclaiming his glory! How dare you choose to hide!"

"You pathetic Christian! You claim that Jesus has transformed your life, but you look no different than the rest of the world. Worn. Desperate. Hungry."

I woke up Monday morning to these voices, which seemed to crash down like an anvil on my chest. I couldn't move. I couldn't breath. I couldn't pray.

Then he spoke. Words so gentle, their soft truth relieving the crushing pressure. "You don't have to go there."

He lifted me from my bed, carried me to the church where our tiny community gathers for prayer. After worship and reading the word, I knew, I knew that God was showing me the exit ramp--and it was fast approaching. Would I get off of this highway to depression? Could I really choose NOT to go there? Or would I just fake it?

Freedom from captivity always involves bringing our darkness into the light. There is no other way.

Reluctantly, courageously, I opened my mouth. In a whisper, in French, I confessed my condition. "I'm battling depression. It happens every year, and I want to break the cycle. I believe that God can keep me from falling into the pit, but I need help."

That was my attempt to steer my life toward the exit. It was all I could do.

And they prayed.

Monday the sun broke through the clouds. Tuesday I awoke in my panicked estate once again, but this time I could pray, I could hope, I could believe. The clouds parted. Today I woke rested, calm, trusting. The cloud is no longer there. Glory to God.

I don't have to go there. I am a new creation. Saved. Changed. Liberated.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! 2 Corinthians 5:17

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By the Numbers

38

The number of different people who have slept in our house over the past three months

85

The number of different people who have eaten a meal in our house over the past three months 

43

The number of nights we have had guests sleeping in our home over the past three months

0

The number of guests currently in our home

4

The number of times I have been to Paris in the past four weeks

4

The number of major projects that I neglected postponed until our guests left

15

The number of days that I have to complete said projects

3

The number of school days remaining for Graham and Chandler

55

The number of days until we go to Ireland for our summer vacation

34

The number of books on my Amazon wish list

5

The number of books I am currently reading

5

The number of puppies that were recently born to Gemma's mama

0

The number of puppies we will be getting

1

The number of cats in our house who are happy about that

14

The number of chapters that will be in the book that I am writing

3

The number of chapters that I have actually written

0

The number of hours I have spent working on said book over that past 6 weeks (see top three numbers)

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I'll take that "To Go!"

Some ministry partners/friends left yesterday morning, and our next guest does not arrive until a week from today. Our home is strangely quiet and a little messy, and that's okay with me. Ministry continues, but there is something nice about having our home as a haven instead of a hostel for the next few days.

In the past three months we have had 8 family groups (31 individuals) for overnight visits including meals. We have also had the joy of preparing at least one meal for an additional 50 people over six different occasions. Next month our guest room will be occupied for 12 nights. I am smiling as a type these numbers--God's grace abounds through the company of others. We delight in being able to share our lives and ministry with those whom God brings to our home.

Between now and the arrival of our next house guest we will catch up on paperwork (self-evaluations for our annual review with GEM), housework (changing sheets and towels in the guest room), and soulwork (extended time in the Word). We will also begin the process of renewing our long-stay visas, we will travel to Paris for Graham to take the SAT, we will go to the US Embassy to renew the boys' passports (which expire next month), and we will try to figure out why I have a red bumpy rash on my right arm.

In the midst of having guests, most of our regular ministry activity continues as usual.

But today we claimed as a day of rest--a much-needed mid-week Sabbath! The restfulness of the moment is rejuvenating, and I'm taking full advantage of it--short-lived though it may be. Sometimes God's refreshment is like a long banquet, where I sit and savor the sweetness of his rest over several days. Other times it comes in the form of a drive-through dinner, gobbled on the go, but satisfying just same. Today I am having some rest on the run. It won't be luxurious or extravagant, but it will fuel me for what lies ahead. I'm so thankful that his mercies are new every morning.

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Chez Williamson this Spring

Life is clicking along here in Loches, and we are continually overwhelmed by God's goodness! We marvel at what he is doing in and around us each week. But right now we are in the midst of a particularly exciting season, as we sense God leading us to focus our energy on a few special projects. For example:

• Chez Williamson-a Bed and Breakfast! Between March and June, we will have had seven different families/groups of people staying in our home, each visit lasting between 3 and 8 days. Most of these guests are coming from across the pond, and the ones who have already been here have been profoundly touched by what they experienced during their stay. This is not because we are such fantastic hosts--it is because they have seen the amazing things that God is doing in our midst and they cannot help but feel inspired. These visits are a  great encouragement to us as well, and we feel blessed to share our community here in Loches with our loved ones from the States. 
• Chez Williamson-an Educational Institution! The spring has been a time of purposeful teaching and learning! On the teaching side, David and I have been charged with training up and coming preachers and worship leaders in our church. It has been so fun to see church members develop and use their spiritual gifts. On the learning side, we are delighted to report that because of a new supporter, David was able to register for classes this Spring to continue to work towards his Masters of Divinity degree through a distance-ed program at Liberty University. Also, Graham is prepping up to take the SAT and an AP History exam. All in all, there is a lot of learning going on at our house these days.
• Chez Williamson-a Writer's Workshop! After a smidgen of prompting from others, a healthy dose of holy fear, and a great deal of prayer, I have decided to write a book. Actually, I am not in the process of writing the book right now; but a rather, the process of writing a book proposal, which will  be sent to possible agents and/or publishers. It is a huge learning process, and quite frankly, I feel like I am in way over my head. But each day I sense God gently nudging me onward, and so I write. A formal book proposal is a major undertaking, and one that I am trying to accomplish before David's classes start up in May. Prayers are greatly appreciated!

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