What's Chasing You?

And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4: 19

Paul wrote these words to the Philippians, after they had sent him a financial gift. He knew that the gift he had received would have created needs for the Philippians--they had given out of poverty, not abundance. I imagine it was hard for Paul to accept such a gift. In fact, he might have been tempted to return it, except that he had great faith in God's generosity. 

ALL YOUR NEEDS

It's quite a promise. And as I was reflecting on this verse this morning, I was reminded of Psalm 23, which concludes with a similar sentiment.

Surely your goodness and love will follow me

    all the days of my life

The word that is translated "follow" is actually a hunting term that means to chase or pursue. In other words, the goodness of God--his love and his provision--are  not things that I need to chase after, they are things that chase after me. Or as Matthew put it, they are simply '"added" to my life as I seek hard after God. 

But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

Matthew 6:33

So I had to ask myself if I believe this promise that Paul makes to the Philippians. Do I chase after the blessings or the blesser? Because while it may seem that these two are connected, the pursuit of one will lead me in the opposite direction of the other. I cannot chase both.

If I chase the blessings, I may catch a few of them, but chances are I'll miss both the Kingdom and His righteousness. But if I chase the blesser, I will not only find the Kingdom, I'll find the King. And if I find the King, what else could I possibly need? Does a child starve when her dad is the King? Does she wander about in rags? Is she floundering through life without  mission or pupose? Surely not! 

And yet, I chase the blessings.

I don't really trust that God is enough, that Christ is sufficient, and that I will be satisfied in Him alone. I say I believe those things, but I live like I don't. 

When finances are limited, I stop being generous. When time is limited, I stop being available. When positions are limited, I vie for a place. When options are limited, I lobby for my way. I spend my energy fighting for the things that Jesus gives away for free. As I chase these things, I am chased by worry, fear, and doubt--all of which tell me that I am never going to have enough, do enough, or be enough. 

In my pursuit of worldly riches, I am impoverished of the riches of his glory. 

When I pursue Jesus, all the rest is "added." The still waters and calm pastures. The paths of righteousness. The restoration of my soul. These are the things that are chasing me when I chase after the blesser instead of the blessings.

So if you want to know what you are really chasing after, all you have to ask yourself is "What's chasing me?" Are you hounded by worry or overcome by peace? Are you running from scarcity or overtaken by abundance? Are you trying to escape isolation or drowning in love? 

What's chasing you?

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All Sufficient Grace

In the movie City Slickers, Billy Crystal plays a man in the midst of a midlife crisis. He wakes up on his 40th Birthday, depressed and despondent. When his wife asks him the cause of his despair he says, "Do you ever look in the mirror and realize, this is as good as I'm ever gonna look, as good as I'm ever gonna feel, as good as I'm ever gonna do, and it ain't that great?"

This week in my devotional time with the Lord, I was faced with a similar question. First I was led to read 2 Corinthians 12:7-10, a familiar passage where Paul says something about a thorn in his flesh that torments him and God's all-sufficient grace. I'm sure you've read it. I've read it a thousand times. I've quoted it in sermons. I claimed to understand it. I thought I did.

After reading that well known passage, I found myself confronted with this question: "What if God appeared to you today and told you, 'This is as good as it is going to get.'?"

There are two sides to that question. One side deals with my external circumstances, and includes the sub-questions, "What if I never write a book?" and "What if I never do lose those last 10 pounds?" and "What if I never plant a church?" and "What if I never own a house?" and "What if I never see a revival in France?" and "What if I never run a marathon?" In essence, "What if I never realize my dreams?"

The other side of that question deals with my internal circumstances...my desires for those things. Because if I truly understand the premise of the question, then it means that I am considering the possibility that I never achieve more in life AND yet I continue to live with the constant longing to achieve more. What if I must wrestle for the rest of my life with never succeeding at realizing certain dreams AND never losing my desire for those dreams to come true?

THAT is what it would look like if THIS (my life and circumstances today) is as good as it is going to get.

I guess I always imagined that God either fulfilled desires or freed us from them. But that wasn't Paul's experience. We know that he desired for the thorn in his flesh to be removed, and God did not satisfy that desire. And in response, Paul did NOT write, "So eventually, that thorn in my flesh stopped bothering me.  I learned to like it. I totally lost my desire for it to be removed." He just tells us what God told him. "My grace is sufficient."

In the past, I took these words to mean, "God will help me endure for a while" or "God will make this better one way or another." Now I realize the shallowness of such an understanding. "What if this is as good as it is going to get?" means "What if you must live the rest of your life longing for something, never getting it, and never losing your desire for it?"

"What if you write 754 manuscripts and not one gets published?"

"What if you see hundreds of ways and places to plant churches and you never get to plant one?"

"What if the ideas, the visions, and the potential haunt you every single day of your life, but you will never see the fruit of these dreams?"

Is God's grace sufficient?

Is God's grace truly sufficient to fill in the wide, gaping gulch between the deepest desires of my heart and the possibility that those desires will never, ever be granted? And would I welcome such a grace? A grace that quiets the screaming, thrashing child not by giving in to her desires, but by offering itself in their place?

I 've often heard it said that if a desire goes unfulfilled then it wasn't God's will. While it may be true that it was not God's will for that thing to happen, it does not necessarily mean that it was not God's will for me to desire it. God desires for all to come to faith, but we know that not everyone comes to faith. Even God has unfulfilled desires.

This idea, the idea that God would will for us to live (suffer!) with unfulfilled desire, flies in the face of the Gospel that is so prevalant today. We want to believe that we can have God AND all our wishes will come true. Or at the very least, that God's mercy would compel him to relieve us of those desires that he does not intend to satisfy. Couldn't God just help us not to want the stuff that he doesn't plan to give us?

Today I finally understand that it doesn't work that way. When God told Paul, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness," God was telling Paul, "This is as good as it is going to get. I'm more concerned with perfecting my power in you, and you need this weakness to know my power." But here's the thing I never saw before. That grace...that all-sufficient grace...is the source of the perfect power. And the wider and more desperate the gap between my deepest desires and their possible fulfillment, the more space that grace has to fill. That's why Paul can respond, "Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."

Suddenly I'm feeling tender towards my unfulfilled desires. I'm no longer seeing them as problems to be solved or regrets to be nursed. I'm seeing them as repositories for grace. It doesn't mean I stop striving in faith. It means that whether my desires are fulfilled or unfulfilled I'll recognize God's grace in the outcome.

If this is as good as I'm ever gonna look, as good as I'm ever gonna feel, as good as I'm ever gonna do, I trust that God will fill the cavern of my longings with the abundance of his grace.

His grace is sufficient.

This reflection came out of my journaling in response to the writings of Brian Rice, author of Conversations. 

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Silence

I recently heard someone compare life to a dirty fish tank that is constantly being stirred. The speaker went on to say that the only thing that stops the stirring is silence. In silence, the dirt and debris of our life settles so that we can see more clearly.

As I grow in the practice of the discipline of silence, I am beginning to experience the truth of that assertion.

Silence is a holy habit that I am actively integrating into my daily life. And honestly, I've been reluctant to blog about it because, well, silence isn't exactly exciting. Actually it sounds downright dull, like a discipline that monks invented simply because no one had anything interesting to say.

Now I've long been a lover of quietness, but I like it quiet so that I can engage in activities like reading or writing. And while I am silent when I read and write, such verbal activities hardly qualify as periods of silence, for my mind is still stimulated by internal dialogue and therefore the waters are still being stirred.

The prophet Isaiah wrote these words to the people of Israel:

For thus the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel has said, "In repentance and rest you will be saved, in quietness and trust is your strength." But you were not willing. 

Rest and quietness are essential to salvation and strength. But often, I am not willing. I am not willing to put down the iPad, to close the book, the turn off the T.V., to set aside the laptop. I am not willing to leave the dishes, to overlook the dust, to ignore the notifications, to limit the number of news articles I read. The king of the universe offers me the grace of his presence, and I do not still myself to experience it.

The world presses in, and every day seems fuller and busier than the last one. The to-do list knows no end, and the tasks before me are both urgent and important.

The water is swirling, swirling.

I get swept up in the movement, thinking that if I just move faster or work smarter I can make it stop. Only all my efforts only make the water muddier. There is no way to work it into calm, to whisk it into stillness. I can't make the water stop, but if I STOP MYSELF, if I take time to be silent and still, I will find that the waters slow. And if I stay still long enough, the water will cease to stir, and the debris will finally settle.

Then, and only then, do I find clarity. Life begins to make sense. I can hear the voice of Truth. I can see the way forward--or find the patience to keep waiting. I discover the reality of my faith, the source of my strength, the reason for my hope, and the root of my joy. In silence, I know his love. I hear him rejoice over me with singing. I long to please him. And finally, I receive my marching orders for the day.

And so my new routine is this: Each morning, I wake up, I put on my running clothes, I pour a cup of tea, and sit for 10 to 20 minutes in silence. Sometimes I read a verse or a passage at the beginning, sometimes I save it for after my time of silence. As thoughts whiz through my mind, I lift them silently before the Father, but I resist dwelling on them. I see them as debris that is settling. Eventually, my thoughts stop screaming at me.

Then I experience what the Psalmist referred to when he wrote, "Surely I have composed and quieted my soul; Like a weaned child rests against his mother. My soul is like a weaned child within me."

I rest there in that quiet place, content. I am not squirming in anxious prayer, I am satisfied and still.

I've quickly grown attached to the habit of silence. It started as a discipline, but I find that I'm eager for it every morning. I rise earlier and earlier just so that I can have more time--for I'm learning that I don't just want to find the still waters, I want to soak in them.

Have you ever practiced the discipline of silence? Why or why not? Tell me about your experience. 

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See

"How do you see me, Lord?" I prayed.

It seemed like a self-serving question, but it was an exercise recommended by my daily devotional, so I decided to play along. I really wasn't expecting any great revelation. I had looked in the mirror that morning. I know what I look like, and frankly, it's not much.

Surprisingly, almost immediately a long-forgotten memory sprang into my mind.

As a young girl, my mother sewed most of my clothes. While she was a skilled seamstress, I hated having to stand for fittings. I was often shivering while she pinned partially pieced-together garments around my tiny frame. Sometimes I got poked. And no matter how rich the fabric, nothing looks pretty inside-out with chalk markings all over it, so it was hard to imagine exactly what she was creating. But in the end, I always loved the dresses that my mother made for me, and they always fit me like a glove.

When I asked the Lord how he saw me, I saw an image of me as a child being fitted for a new dress. I immediately felt all of the old uncomfortable feelings--the cold, the scratchy seams, and the fear of being pricked. But when I looked up to see my tailor, I saw Jesus in the place of my mom.

Then, in my mind's eye, the little me walked over to the mirror. But instead of seeing a wee lass covered in goose-bumps, in the reflection I was a fully clothed grown woman. I was taller than I am in real life, I was well dressed, comfortable, and warm. I wore brown boots, and strangely, a sword was strapped to my side. I looked both feminine and strong.

God sees me as a child that he is ever-fitting for his service, ever-clothing in his righteousness, ever-dressing in his love. But he also sees me as a capable warrior, equipped with his mighty word. He sees me as both smaller and larger than I see myself. More than anything, I got the overwhelming sense that he likes what he sees.

I like what he sees, too.

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Called Out

Have you ever had someone speak convicting truth into you heart?  The kind of truth that wakes you up? The kind of truth that calls you out? The kind of truth that makes you both deeply sorry and profoundly hopeful? The kind of truth that Jesus uses to change you from the inside out?

Let me ask you this: What if that truth came from your son or daughter?

Would you be angry or honored?

I was honored.

Still, it was hard to hear. Even harder to admit that it was true. I wanted to justify my actions, I itched to defend myself. Instead, I acknowledged that my son was right. I apologized. I asked for forgiveness. I accepted forgiveness (that one was strangely difficult!). And I chose to believe that grace is greater than all my parenting mistakes.

Proverbs 27:6 says, "Faithful are the wounds of a friend." In other words, when those who love me tell me something that hurts, it's usually for my own good.

I am so thankful for a son who dared say some hard things so that I could grow.

Jesus, change me to be more like you through the revelation of this truth!

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Eating the Elephant

Ahhh September. With the freshness of a new school-year comes crispy leaves, new soup recipes, and a torrential onslaught of new commitments and activities. I'm either going to drown or learn to surf! How do I determine the best use of my time? Balancing ministry and family can be such a tricky thing!

As I wrestle with my day-planner, struggling to find more hours in the week, I come across this verse:

But the Pharisees and experts in the law (read: Religious Professionals) rejected God's purpose for themselves....Luke 7:30 (parenthetical comment mine)

Which makes me ask, "Can I reject God's purposes?" After all, I believe in the absolute sovereignty of God. But according to this verse, it seems that God, in his sovereignty, allows people to reject his purposes. Religious people rejected his purposes. In the words of the French, "Aie aie aie !"

I want to embrace God's purposes for my life with both arms wide and a big fat kiss. I fear that by not living attentively, I could inadvertently reject them, even as a missionary (read: Religious Professional). How can I be sure to follow the Lord's leading? 

So after a fervent prayer that goes something like this: "Oh dear God, please help me not to blow it!" I set out to make a plan.

Step One: Ask God to reveal my Front Burner Projects

These are the the things that he is bringing to the forefront of my life. The things that weigh heaviest on my heart, or the ministries for which I have the greatest vision, or the opportunities that are time-sensitive. 

Step Two: Ask God to reveal my Back Burner Projects

These are the things that are in my life, but are not at a critical junction. They may require an occasional "stir" or "sprinkle" but they are not top priority. They may be things that will eventually be top priority or that used to be top priority. 

Step Three: Ask God to reveal my Refrigerator Projects

These are things that I need to keep on my radar, things that I believe will one day be on the Front Burner, but things that are not yet critical. They are sometimes longer-term projects, sometimes seasonal projects. They may go in and out of the refrigerator depending on my availability and their urgency.

Once I have a bead on God's priorities for my life, I take it to the practical phase

.

Step Four:  Plan Action Steps

For each Front Burner and Back Burner Project, I assign weekly (or sometimes daily) tasks. If the tasks don't have natural due dates (like a conference), I assign arbitrary ones so that I have a goal to work towards (as I've done with some writing projects). 

Step Five: Evaluate the Plan

I estimate the number of hours per week dedicated to each task. I then add things that are an on-going, regular, essential part of my life, such as quiet times, exercise regime, dates with David, and housekeeping. Is it a balanced plan? Is it realistic? Is it God's purpose on paper?

Step Six: Seek Feedback

First, I ask David to look over my plan. He evaluates it based on everything he knows about me, us, our family, and God. I fine tune based on his feedback. Next I send the list to a ministry partner. My ministry partner also offers helpful feedback and valuable insights. I fine tune again.

Finally, its time to implement. But one step remains...one that is perhaps the most essential.

Step Seven: Hold the Plan in an Open Hand
Proverbs 16:9 The mind of man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps. 
Jesus has dominion over my days, and he can change my plans as he sees fit. Some say, "Why bother planning?" but Seeing as Jesus lives in eternity and know the future, he is quite capable to lead me as I make plans. But he doesn't reveal everything. This way, I walk closely by his side, listening for daily direction.

The Open Hand is essential. The day, and I mean THE DAY I completed my plan and entered everything into my daily planner, two of my plans got changed. Discernment helps me to know when to hold to my plans and when to deviate--this is the daily, step by step leading of the Lord that keeps life exciting.

So, what's your plan?

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An Invitation

I have just embarked on a spiritual journey, and I am looking for a few traveling companions. Think you might be up to the trip? It is not a Bible Study, though it definitely incorporates Bible reading. I am using it for my daily personal time with the Lord, but it has required me to significantly increase the amount of time that I am dedicating to that endeavor. I'd say it requires an hour minimum per day.

Here is the book that I am using:

It is called, The Exercises, Volume One: Conversations.  By Brian K. Rice. It is available in hard copy or on kindle. I am using the kindle edition.

What I have found is that the busier and more involved that I get with ministry, the more difficult it is to dedicate time to my own spiritual growth and well-being. But this creates an obvious problem, for if I am not saturated with the Word, I can't be wrung out for his glory! Through The Exercises, I am getting refocused, learning what it means to "abide," and falling back in love with my savior. 

I am absolutely thrilled with this book. It is like nothing I've ever done before, incorporating reading, journaling, active listening, and other often neglected spiritual exercises such as silence. 

Perhaps, like me, you can relate to this quote from today's reading:

"I now know what I didn't know then. Very simply--I didn't have much of a spiritual life. I had a ministry life, a church life, a professional life...but a spiritual life? That was distressingly elusive and disastrously absent. I didn't have much of a relationship with God. I would eventually find out I wasn't the only one struggling with this problem."

Anyway, if you are interested in joining me on this journey, I have started private blog in hopes that we could share what God is teaching us. Each day I will simply post a few quotes from the book that stood out to me--no analysis, no reflection, no creative writing. (I'll be doing that in my journal.) Then, in the comments section, I will share at least one Take Away from the day. That's where you come in. If you want to join me you cannot be a lurker, you have to participate. I would ask for you share (also in the comments section) your Take Away from the same section of the book. Everyone can move through the workbook at their own pace. We would not have to be on the same days as each other--as long as I stay a little ahead, you would just need to find the blog post that pertains to the section that you read that day and post your comment to that particular post. If this seems confusing, I promise it would make sense if you were looking at the book.

I will keep the blog private, which means only those that I have invited can access the blog and comment. This is so that people will hopefully be committed and keep it real. So if you look at the book and you think you would like to participate, either e-mail me or leave your e-mail address in the comment section. 

If you are in ministry in any way, either professionally or as a volunteer, I can almost guarantee that you will be blessed.

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