Yesterday morning at prayer, we were asked the question, "How have you grown in your faith over the past year?"
Not "How would you like to grow?" but "How have you grown?"
I want to GROW. Every year. Every day. I know this. But I rarely take the time to consider whether or not growth has actually happened. Am I different on January 8, 2013 than I was on January 8, 2012? Oh, I hope so! The last thing I want to be is unchanged.
"How have you grown in your faith over the past year?"
Memories flashed before me like a slide-show displaying the challenges and joys that marked our last trip around the sun. I have my answer.
Most of life I have wanted to live for Jesus. I have sung songs like "All to Jesus, I surrender, all to Him, I freely give", and "Take my life and let it be, consecrated Lord for thee." I meant it. But I didn't do it. It would have been more accurate for me to sing, "Most to Jesus, I surrender." or "Take 90% of my life." I have always held a little bit back.
A little bit of my money. A little bit of my time. A little bit of my energy.
I felt the need to keep a reservoir--a safety-net. In reality, I had not been trusting God enough. I did not really believe that His grace was sufficient nor that His mercies were new every morning. Oh, I would have SAID that I believed those things, but my life sang a different song.
But this last year, I learned to go to empty. I learned to give my all. I learned to hold nothing back. I gave when I felt poor. I served when I felt spent. And I discovered that Jesus really IS all I need.
It was scary to take down the boundaries that I had spent so many years carefully constructing. I wondered, at times, if He knew what He was asking of me!
I want to spend my life being emptied for Him; poured out like a drink offering. I know He will be faithful to fill me again
Not "How would you like to grow?" but "How have you grown?"
I want to GROW. Every year. Every day. I know this. But I rarely take the time to consider whether or not growth has actually happened. Am I different on January 8, 2013 than I was on January 8, 2012? Oh, I hope so! The last thing I want to be is unchanged.
"How have you grown in your faith over the past year?"
Memories flashed before me like a slide-show displaying the challenges and joys that marked our last trip around the sun. I have my answer.
Most of life I have wanted to live for Jesus. I have sung songs like "All to Jesus, I surrender, all to Him, I freely give", and "Take my life and let it be, consecrated Lord for thee." I meant it. But I didn't do it. It would have been more accurate for me to sing, "Most to Jesus, I surrender." or "Take 90% of my life." I have always held a little bit back.
A little bit of my money. A little bit of my time. A little bit of my energy.
I felt the need to keep a reservoir--a safety-net. In reality, I had not been trusting God enough. I did not really believe that His grace was sufficient nor that His mercies were new every morning. Oh, I would have SAID that I believed those things, but my life sang a different song.
But this last year, I learned to go to empty. I learned to give my all. I learned to hold nothing back. I gave when I felt poor. I served when I felt spent. And I discovered that Jesus really IS all I need.
It was scary to take down the boundaries that I had spent so many years carefully constructing. I wondered, at times, if He knew what He was asking of me!
I want to spend my life being emptied for Him; poured out like a drink offering. I know He will be faithful to fill me again
This post really encouraged me, Jenn! Thank you! I am currently going through a season where God is changing me massively, and it is frustrating when I see how slow I am learning. I mean, really? What does it take for Him to get our attention? Sometimes, obviously, drastic measures! :-)
ReplyDeleteHave a good day (or is it night...? LOL) in France. And be thankful that you don't have our negative temperatures. They can be brutal.
Dear cousin and sister Jennifer,
ReplyDeleteThankyou so much for sharing your life. Oh, how I want to give my all to Christ but oh how I fight it every bit of the way. What a conflict. Love from Howard.