Saturday, October 18, 2008

Dial-up and Diarrhea

I should have known that today was not going to go according to my plan when my "scheduled" five-mile run turned in to an abbreviated three-mile run due to a phenomenon known as "runner-rhea." It hasn't happened to me in a while, but it is a fairly common ailment among runners. This morning, right at about mile 2.5, I got the uncomfortable and startling sensation that I told me I was in desperate need of a toilet--and I was half a mile from home. "Desperate need" and "half a mile" are two phrases that should NEVER appear in the same sentence as each other when the word "toilet" is the direct object. I should know. I am an English Major. Anyways, the result of this predicament is another phenomenon know as the "Runner's Trot."

"Why trot?" you ask.

The trot happens when neither running nor walking is possible. Running does not promote sphincter control when control is of the essence. (I can't believe I just used the word "sphincter" in a blog.) Walking, on the other hand, does not get a person home in time when time is of the essence. So in an effort to keep it together but move it along, a trot is the only option.

So I trotted home, and let's just say everything came out all right. (groan)

Then I went to work on writing a grant and found that my Internet connection was down. I called David, who was at work (yes, on a Saturday) and told him that the Internet was not working and I couldn't do anything until it was fixed.

"You can't do anything? Nothing? You can't do laundry without the Internet? You can't walk the dog or bake a pie?" he asked.

Wise guy. The funny thing is, I really felt lost without the world wide web at my fingertips. What if I had a laundry emergency and I needed to Ask Jeeves. What if I needed a pie ingredient substitution from I think I might stop breathing if I don't have an Internet connection!

So we called CenturyTel, and the problem IS on their end, which means it won't get fixed until Monday! MONDAY?!?!?! That's two whole days away! I have grants to finish, e-mails to send, blogs to write, youtube videos to view--I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL MONDAY! The solution: dial-up. Yep, the DSL is out, but good old dial-up still does the trick. The problem is, it is so slow that I might as well wait until Monday to do anything because it will take the dial-up that long just to load one page of the Internet.

So today it seems clear that God wants me to slow down. Thanks to dial-up and diarrhea, I have had to let go (no pun intended) of my plans for the day and look to the good Lord for His. In the kingdom economy, nothing is wasted, especially not time. Today is a gift, and I want to accept whatever God has for me in it.

I best get to my pie making and laundry.

In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps. Proverbs 16:9

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